


Arthur's Troubles

by PollyWager



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Fisting, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fantasizing, Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), M/M, Masturbation, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, Rape (later chapters), Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rimming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2020-10-14 20:21:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20606735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PollyWager/pseuds/PollyWager
Summary: Morgana disappeared and Uther is changed because of it and takes it out on Arthur. Arthur is suffering very much under Uther's reign and doesn't really know how to deal with it all. Merlin is there to help him through the hard times but not without causing some troubles for Arthur in the meantime...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my very first fic and I hope you like it.  
I'm not quite sure where I want this story to go yet but I wanted to see if you guys like it and want to see more of it.  
A lot of the tags on this fic is for later chapters.

Arthur's head whipped to the side when his father slapped his face hard. "How dare you speak to me that way! I'm your king and your father and I demand some respect!" Uther shouted in Arthur's face. 

Arthur and his father had been arguing about the recent tax-raise that Uther wished to place upon the people of Camelot. Arthur doesn't agree with it as he feels that the citizens are already giving everything they can. Arthur rubbed a hand over his cheek to numb the pain from the slap. 

"I'm sorry father. I mean you no disrespect but I truly feel that what you're asking the people of Camelot is too much." Uther gave him a hard stare. 

"This is happening Arthur! This is my decision and I suggest you do what I say before a slap isn't the only thing I give you! Do you understand?" 

Arthur recognizes the moment to back down and lowers his head. "Yes father." He says and walks away from Uther. 

Merlin, who was watching the whole exchange, quickly followed Arthur. 

"You can't let him do this! The people will go hungry. You have to stop this, Arthur."

"I know Merlin. I won't take the extra money from the people." Arthur says with a sigh. 

Ready to protest his decision Merlin stopped in his tracks. 

"Oh-- but your father just said you have to. He will punish you if he finds out that you have disobeyed him." Merlin said. 

Arthur pauzed and just looked at him for a moment before he entered his chambers. Merlin was stunned, he understood right away what Arthur wasn't saying. He looked at Arthur sadly.

"You would let Uther hit you?" He asked. 

"Yes... for the people of Camelot... I would." Arthur said while sinking down into one of his chairs. "If I'm lucky it won't come to that though..." Arthur said thoughtfully. 

Merlin was skeptical. He had seen Uther hit Arthur many times. The slaps were almost a daily occurrence now but the worst thing was when Uther decided to use his belt on Arthur. Merlin had witnessed that often as well as Uther didn't care if Merlin was in the room. He had seen Uther rip off Arthur's tunic right there in the throne room to whip him with the belt on his bare back until Arthur screamed. He even saw Uther chain Arthur to the dungeon wall once and then left him hanging there all day afterwards. Arthur had it rough under his father's reign ever since Morgana disappeared four months ago. Yes, before that Uther would hit him on occasion as well but nothing as bad as how it was now. 

Arthur rubbed his face tiredly. "I don't understand." Merlin said. "Aren't you afraid of pain?" He asked Arthur. 

"Of course I'm afraid of pain Merlin." Arthur said and added quietly. "Terrified even..."  
Arthur looked at Merlin. "I don't know what I have done to make him hate me so much. I know he blames me for what happened to Morgana but I did everything I could to save her!" His words choked in his throat as emotion took over. 

Merlin's face softened as he approached Arthur. He raised his hand to Arthur's cheek and wiped away a tear with his thumb. Arthur looked up to Merlin's eyes. He was a bit confused with Merlin's actions and what he saw in his eyes. Compassion? Pity? The last thing Arthur needed was pity from his manservant, so he pulled away from Merlin, got up from his chair and turned to face the window.

"It's not your fault Morgana disappeared Arthur." Merlin said quietly. "I don't know why Uther is treating you the way he is. I hate watching him hurt you and if there was anything I could do to help you Arthur, I would."

Arthur turned around to face Merlin roughly. "I don't need your pity, Merlin!" He shouted.

Merlin eyes widened in shock for a moment as he was surprised by the outburst. "I can handle whatever Uther throws at me." Arthur said.

"Yes, it looks like you can handle it perfectly." Merlin said sarcastically and a little hurt from the way Arthur spoke to him just now. 

Arthur didn't respond to that and Merlin knew not to push him now. He sighed and moved away from Arthur to start his duties in Arthur's chambers.

He's clearly hurt because of this all and Merlin has been there for Arthur through all of Uther's harshness. The number of times he would just hold Arthur after one of Uther's more vicious beatings, stroking his hair, saying soothing things to him. Those moments were very intimate and Merlin had started to cherish them. That was when Arthur was his most authentic self. In those moments Arthur doesn't care if he's being perceived as weak and vulnerable. Arthur just wants Merlin to hold him and Merlin is more than happy to. After the beatings started happening and when Merlin held Arthur the first time, he realised that he has feelings for Arthur, even though he did still think of Arthur as an insufferable prat at times. Unfortunately, Arthur didn't seem to return his feelings, evident by his reaction to Merlin's gesture just now. 

"I need you to muck out my horses while I'm out." Arthur said suddenly, making Merlin jump from his thoughts.

Merlin watched Arthur while he was making his way to his chamber doors. "Where are you going?" He asked.

"I'm sorry. Did you just become the King of Camelot?" Arthur asked Merlin sarcastically. "Because the last time I checked, I don't have to justify myself to a servant." He glared at Merlin and then stormed out of his chambers, slamming the door. 

Merlin sighed-- he really hated it when Arthur talked to him like that. He just had to make him feel small and insignificant. Well, he succeeded. Merlin couldn't feel worse at this moment. He loved Arthur, which made these little remarks even more painful. He knows Arthur well enough by now to know when Arthur means them. He doesn't think Arthur means to actually hurt him but he has this way of taking his own hurt out on Merlin. Deep down he knows Arthur cares for him. _But does he care about me in the same way? Does he love me? Will he ever love me the way that I love him? Will I finally get the love that I want so badly?_ Merlin felt the familiar ache in his heart as he thinks about all the people that he had loved but none of them would reciprocate his feelings. It hurts- it hurts so bad to see everyone else find true love, while he himself feels more and more alone. 

"I have to stop these thoughts man." Merlin said out loud to himself. "I'm depressing myself." He quickly gathered Arthur's laundry and headed downstairs to start mucking out the horses.

***

Merlin returned home to Gauis's chambers later that night, exhausted and sweaty from mucking out the horses. He spend almost two hours on them as they where very dirty and then he had to help Arthur get ready for bed. Arthur didn't say a word to him the entire time he was there but Merlin wasn't to upset about that. They were both tired and to start an important conversation at that moment would have been a bad idea. 

"Long day?" Gauis asked as he saw Merlin walk in.

Merlin sighed and nodded. "Yeah. Arthur and I got into it again." He said. 

"I'm sorry to hear that. Have you worked things out?" Gauis asked.

Merlin shook his head. "No, I don't think Arthur realised that what he said to me was uncalled for and rude." Merlin sighed again and let himself drop down on Gauis's bed, laid down and closed his eyes. "But then again, what else is new?" He said.

Gauis was moving around the room, preparing a bath for Merlin as he thought Merlin needed one after today. "Try to let it go for tonight Merlin and get some rest. Here, I've prepared a bath for you." Gauis said.

Merlin opened his eyes to look and smiled. "Thank you so much, Gauis." He got up and stripped down and stepped into the bath. "Fuck, this is heaven." Merlin said as he settled down in the bath.

"Language, Merlin." Gauis said slightly amused. 

After Merlin finished his bath and Gauis went to bed, Merlin went to his own room. He was wearing his sleep clothes. He was really tired but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep just yet. He always needed a while to settle his mind and clear his head. He laid down on his bed, facing the ceiling. He grabbed a book from his nightstand and opened it but he gave up pretty quickly as he couldn't concentrate on the words. He sighed and his mind wandered over this day and he thought of Arthur. _Is he asleep yet? Does he have trouble sleeping like me? Did he think of me?_ He thought of Arthur, his smile and his beautiful eyes. The way he says my name. His perfect body, his gorgeous ass... As these thoughts progressed, Merlin felt his body respond accordingly, his cock hardening. He let his hand wander down his body and he squeezed his cock slightly. He sighed at the increased arousal of his touch. He slipped his hand in his trousers and began stroking his length. He was so hard already. Thinking of Arthur's body always had this effect on him. He imagined Arthur naked on his bed, stroking himself just as Merlin was now. Merlin picked up the pace as he imagined Arthur moaning his name while stroking. 

"Hmm... Arthur..." Merlin moaned. "Please fuck me..." He begged his imaginary Arthur. He pushed down his trousers completely and spread his legs. His left hand sneaked down his balls and started teasing his entrance. He brought his finger upto his mouth and slicked it with saliva, then he carefully slipped his finger in his hole and pushed in as far as he could. He started stroking his cock more furiously while pumping his finger in and out of his hole faster and faster. He squeezed another finger inside, struggling as it wasn't slick enough but he wanted to feel filled so badly. He gasped as he finally managed to push both fingers in all the way. His breathing was becoming more erratic as he was getting closer and closer. He was panting now. He stroked his cock faster while simultaneously pushing his fingers as far up his ass as possible. "Oh god!" He moaned. "Arthur!" He exclaimed as he spilled his seed all over his stomach and hand, his whole body trembling. He let his fingers slip out of his hole as he tried to catch his breath. 

He grabbed a cloth from his nightstand and starting cleaning himself off with it. _Shit, I hope Gaius didnt hear me._ He listened to make sure he didn't hear Gauis move in the other room. When after a few seconds he heard nothing, he fixed his clothes and stared up at the ceiling again. _Will my fantasies ever become a reality?_ He thought to himself as he drifted off to sleep.

***

The next morning Merlin woke up determined to make things right with Arthur, although he wasn't quite sure how to go about it. It all depends on what mood he's in this morning. So he quickly went to the kitchens to get Arthur's breakfast. He quickly grabbed it and rushed towards Arthur's chambers. He was rushing so much that he wasn't really paying much attention to where he was going and he crashed head on into someone. He looked up and saw that it was King Uther, who was now wearing Arthur's breakfast. 

"I..I'm so sorry Sire!' Merlin said to the King fearfully. 'It's all my fault. I wasn't paying attention." Uther glared at him angrily. 

"You idiot!" Uther shouted in Merlin's face. "Are you really that stupid?!" 

"I'm not stupid." Merlin said, getting angry. He hated when people called him stupid. Clumsy, yes, but not stupid. He clenched his fists and said through gritted teeth. "I told you I was sorry." Merlin said glaring at Uther.

Uther stepped very close to Merlin but Merlin didn't back down and continued to glare at Uther. Uther pulled back his hand and backhanded Merlin so hard it send him to the floor. Merlin looked up at Uther shocked, clutching his cheek, tears in his eyes from the pain.

Uther walked over to where Merlin was lying on the floor and grabbed his hair to haul him up to his knees. 

"Aaaah!" Merlin screamed in pain as he reached his hands up to get Uther to let go, tears threatening to fall.

Uther bend down to Merlin's ear. "Don't ever be this insolent to me again." He hissed. "Next time, I won't be so lenient." He said as he dropped Merlin to the floor and stormed off. 

Merlin sat up, wiped the tears from his cheeks as they had fallen from pain and embarrassment. He gently touched his right cheek as it was still throbbing from where Uther had struck him. He looked around him at the mess Arthur's breakfast had made and started to gather it all up. So much for his plan to be on time with Arthur's breakfast to get him in a good mood. He would definitely be screaming at him now for being so late. 

He picked up the last bits and headed back to the kitchen to fetch a new breakfast tray for Arthur. He noticed the cook looking at him confused and he saw her eyes drift to his cheek where he already could feel a bruise forming but he ignored her. He quickly grabbed another tray, mumbled something about dropping the other one as the cook wouldn't stop staring at him and quickly made his way out of the kitchen again.

***

Arthur was furious. He was pacing around his chambers already dressed and starving. 'Fucking Merlin, where the hell is he? Would it be asking too much for him to be on time for once in his miserable life?' Arthur was winding himself up more and more. He was getting increasingly worried because his father was expecting him very soon and if Arthur was late there would be hell to pay for sure. _I could just skip breakfast I guess._ Arthur thought but he also knew his mood wouldn't improve if he went hungry and he really didn't want to make things worse with his father by having a bad mood. He was just about getting ready to storm out of his chambers when the door opened en Merlin walked in.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Arthur shouted at Merlin as soon as he saw him.

Merlin quickly walked over to the table to place the breakfast on the table. "I'm sorry Sire." He began. 

"Sorry?! You're sorry?!" Arthur asked angrily. "How difficult **_is_** it to get your ass out of bed in time so that you can do your duty properly?"

Merlin turned around to face Arthur but kept his head down. "It's not difficult. I'm sorry. I overslept. It won't happen again." Merlin said.

Arthur was about to start yelling again but the defeated tone in Merlin's voice made him stop. He observed Merlin more closely and then noticed the bruise that was on his right cheek. 

"Merlin, what happened to your face?" He asked concerned. 

When Merlin didn't answer, he walked up to him and put his hand under Merlin's chin to raise his head. Merlin avoided his gaze so he cupped his cheek and gently pressed his thumb on the bruise to assess the damage. Merlin hissed and pulled his face from Arthur's hold. 

"Ow, that hurts." Merlin said, finally looking at Arthur.

"Who did this to you Merlin?" Arthur asked again. 

Merlin shrugged and said "It's not important. What is important though, is that you finish your breakfast and head over to your meeting with your father." He said smiling to distract Arthur while at the same time trying to change the subject.

But Arthur wouldn't let him change the subject. "Of course it's important Merlin. I am your master and I deserve to know who is punishing my servant without my permission. I assume that's what this was, a punishment for something?" Arthur asked.

Merlin huffed. "Of course you would think that. I'm such a screw up, so I must have done something to warrant a punishment? I deserved this right?" Merlin was getting angry now. Great, so much for calmly talking about what happened last night.

Arthur was shocked at Merlin's little outburst. He didn't mean that at all. He was actually very happy to have Merlin as his servant, his friend, although he didn't really show it. He was just worried about him as someone clearly hit Merlin somewhere between last night and now. He didn't mean to sound so condescending at all.

"That's not what I said Merlin." He finally said. Arthur sighed and ran his hand over his face. "I'm sorry I yelled at you and made the assumption that you messed up. I shouldn't have said that." Arthur said. 

Arthur went to sit down at the table. "I'm sorry for everything Merlin. I know I was an ass to you last night. I'm just so stressed out at the moment because of the ticking timebomb that is my father and I'm taking it out on you. It's unfair and I'm sorry." He said.

Merlin was surprised at the sudden apology for everything and he went to sit down opposite Arthur at the table. 

"I know things have been shit for you Arthur. I see it every day and it kills me to watch you go through all this." Merlin said. Merlin cautiously reached out a hand and placed it on Arthur's. He was surprised when Arthur not only didn't pull back but intertwined their fingers together.

"I'm here for you Arthur." Merlin said with a small smile. "But stop taking things out on me, you prat." He added.

Arthur snorted and looked up. "Glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humour." He said. "Now, are you going to tell me what happened to your face?" He asked Merlin.

Merlin sighed and pulled back his hand from Arthur's. "Can't you just let this go?" 

"No Merlin. I can't let this go. You are my personal manservant and if someone in the castle is hurting you I need to know about it." Arthur said.

Merlin sighed. "Fine, but there is not much that you can do about this." Merlin said.

"I'm the prince of Camelot. I'm sure I can do something." Arthur responded cockily.

"It was Uther that did this." Merlin said and he watched Arthur face fall.

"Oh... I see." Arthur said. "Why did he hit you?" He asked.

"Well, I was rushing down the corridor with your breakfast because I wanted to be on time for once and when I rounded the corner I didn't see him fast enough so I ran straight into him and spilled your breakfast all over him." Merlin briefly explained.

Arthur closed his eyes for a moment to stop the panic that was rising in his chest. _Shit..._ He thought. This could be very bad for Arthur as well. There was a very good chance that his father would blame him for Merlin's incompetence and he was scared of what his father would do. Especially combining this with the fall out they had yesterday and the fact that Arthur also chose to ignore Uther's orders, although he didn't know that yet.

Merlin was looking at Arthur with worry. He saw the moment of panic flashing through Arthur's eyes and wondered what had caused it. 

"Hey." He said to get Arthur's attention back on him. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Arthur got up and started pacing. He was downright panicking right now and he tried really hard to control it so it wouldn't result in a panic attack. There was no time for one of those now. He had to stay focused. Don't let it take over. He could feel himself losing the battle though and he started to breath really fast. But before it could go any further then that, Merlin was there, holding him very tight and whispering in his ear. "Sshhh... it's okay. It's going to be okay. You're okay." Merlin whispered. Merlin rubbed his hands across Arthur's back in an attempt to sooth him and he could feel Arthur relaxing under his touch. "That's it. Sshhh... you're okay." He whispered again.

Arthur pulled back from Merlin's embrace to look him in the eyes. He gaze flicked to Merlin's mouth for just a second. _No.... stop.... I can't think of him in that way. He's my servant, he can't be anything more._ He thought as he pulled out of Merlin's arms.

Merlin was shocked at what he had just seen. He saw Arthur gaze at his lips, he even darted his tongue across his own lips for the briefest of seconds, though he doubted Arthur realised that he was doing it. Then he clearly saw the inner turmoil when Arthur pulled back. _Could he really be thinking what I thought he was thinking? Is that even possible? Is it possible that Arthur does like me?_ But Merlin just shook his head at that. _Of course he doesn't like me. Nobody likes me in that way._ The thought really saddened him.

Merlin was roughly pulled from his thoughts when Uther suddenly stormed into Arthur's chambers. They had lost track of time and now Arthur was very late for his meeting with the king and the king looked absolutely livid.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two for you to enjoy!  
I didn't think I would finish this chapter so soon but I was in a inspirational writing mood so I just went with the flow :)
> 
> Chapter contains physical abuse, graphic sexual content and a lot of angst and dark thoughts. So be warned.

Arthur's eyes widened as he saw his father storm into his chambers. His heart started pounding in his chest as he took in the rage his father was emanating. _O no... the meeting!_ Arthur remembered suddenly. He was so busy focusing on Merlin and those lips that he had completely forgotten about it. 

"F-father, I'm so sorry I forgot about our meeting. I lost track of time. Please, forgive me Sire." Arthur said in his most courteous way in the hopes of keeping his father's temper at bay. 

"You lost track of time?" Uther said with disdain. 

Merlin was starting to get really nervous because of the tone of Uther's voice. This wasn't going to end well, Merlin was sure of it.

"Yes father. I know it sounds like an excuse but it isn't, I promise." Arthur said.

Uther was slowly advancing on Arthur and Arthur instinctively backed away. Arthur swallowed hard as he felt fear take over his body. He didn't dare to look in his father's eyes, too afraid of what he might see there. Uther was right in front of him now and he was backed into a wall.

He jumped when Uther suddenly said-- "This 'losing track of time' has nothing to do with a certain manservant does it?" 

Arthur's eyes widened and he glanced in Merlin's direction. Merlin looked absolutely petrified. "No, of course not Sire. I was reading and... ow..." Arthur was cut off by a sharp slap to his cheek. 

"Stop lying to me, Arthur." Uther said eerily calm. 

"I'm not--" This time Uther cut him off with a simple raise of his hand and he started pacing in front of Arthur. 

Merlin wanted to melt into the ground and was looking at the door almost desperately.

"Merlin informed me of what happened this morning yes, but I feel he has been punished sufficiently for it." Arthur said with the little confidence he had left when it came to facing his father.

"Oh do you now?" Uther asked turning to face Arthur.

"Yes Sire. I also think that decisions about punishments regarding **_my_** manservant should be left up to **_me_**." Arthur said.

Uther said nothing and just stared at Arthur. Arthur swallowed hard. He knew saying that would be a risk at this point but he felt he had to say something now as Uther had brought it up and he would get punished anyway.

He was very surprised when Uther said-- "Well, that is something worth discussing at some point." 

Arthur was so shocked that in any other circumstance, the look on his face would be hilarious. He was sure Uther would punish him for this remark and for the fact that he failed to discipline his manservant properly. 

"I have business to attend to now, so we will discuss the matters of the meeting at a later time. I will send a servant to fetch you when I'm finished." Uther said. 

"Yes, Sire." Arthur said bowing his head respectfully. 

"Miss our meeting again, and you will regret it." Uther added with a glare. He glanced at Merlin, who bowed his head as well and then he left Arthur's chambers.

Merlin let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. "Oh my god, Arthur. That was probably the most tense I have ever felt." He said.

"You and me both." Arthur said. He let himself fall in his chair at his table and he looked at his still uneaten and now cold breakfast. With the tension of the past few hours released, Arthur suddenly felt starving. 

"Merlin, please get me another breakfast. I'm starving and this is now cold." He said to Merlin. 

Merlin groaned. "That would be the third breakfast I will be getting for you, so you better eat that one then." He said gathering up the untouched breakfast.

"Oh? And what will you do to me if I don't?" Arthur said.

Merlin nearly dropped Arthur's breakfast for a second time that day, as that comment went straight to his cock. _Oh, the things I would like to do to you Arthur. If only you'd let me._ Merlin thought feeling himself growing hard. He coughed to cover up his aroused state and said--"You'll be getting your own meals if you don't." 

"Wow, I'm trembling in my boots, Merlin." Arthur said with a smirk. "I thought you would do something truly nasty to me." Arthur smirk grew even wider as he saw Merlin gasp at that and practically ran out of his chambers. He was well aware of the effect he had on Merlin. Arthur was many things but oblivious wasn't one of them. This was the first time he teased Merlin like this but he just couldn't help himself. It wasn't that he didn't want Merlin. Oh no, he definitely wouldn't mind having a bit of fun with him but he was too worried about the consequences. It seemed to him that Merlin wanted more than just sex and Arthur knew he couldn't give him that. He was the Prince of Camelot, he couldn't be in a relationship with a servant. Let alone a male one. No, he couldn't go there and he wouldn't risk losing Merlin as a friend by doing something stupid .

***

Merlin was cursing to himself as he made his way down to the kitchens. _What the hell was that? Why did Arthur say that? Does he know how I feel about him? Damnit!_ He was uncomfortably hard right now and he wasn't hiding it very well either. He tried to pull his tunic down a little further with one hand while balancing the tray of food. The tray started to wobble dangerously and Merlin knew it was going to fall at any second now. He was about to grab it with his free hand when someone plucked the tray from his hands. 

"Wow careful there Merlin!" Gwaine said smiling, holding the tray. Gwaine frowned. "What happened to your face?" He asked.

"Thanks, Gwaine." Merlin said blushing slightly, praying Gwaine didn't see what he was trying to hide. "I ran into a door earlier." Merlin knew Gwaine would accept that explanation without asking further questions.

Gwaine set down the tray on the floor in the empty corridor they were standing in, and moved towards Merlin. He leaned in close so that his mouth was next to Merlin's ear. "Don't think I didn't notice this..." Gwaine whispered seductively as he cupped Merlin's groin and squeezed lightly.

Merlin gasped and grabbed onto Gwaine's tunic as his knees buckled under the sudden pleasure. 

Gwaine wrapped his free arm around Merlin's waist to keep him upright and pulled him into a broom cupboard nearby. He closed the door and pushed Merlin up against it and starting kissing along Merlin's jaw and neck.

"Gwaine, I can't right now..." Merlin protested weakly. 

Gwaine smirked into Merlin's neck as he knew he already won the battle. He always had to convince Merlin to do this but he always won in the end. He could be very persuasive if he wanted to be.

He squeezed Merlin's cock a little harder this time and Merlin moaned at the pleasure. Gwaine loved the sounds he could get out of Merlin. He quickly undid Merlin's trousers and slipped his hand inside and wrapped it around Merlin's cock. He moved slowly but with extra pressure at the head. Merlin bucked in his hand and gasped. 

"Gwaine... please..." Merlin begged. 

"Please what?" Gwaine asked, knowing full well what Merlin was begging for. He loved hearing him say it though. He stilled the hand on Merlin's cock and Merlin almost whined.

"Please, Gwaine!" Merlin called out while trying to push himself into Gwaine's hand but Gwaine used his body to push Merlin into the door further. "Please, fuck me...." Merlin begged.

Gwaine almost came in his pants when he heard Merlin's plea. "Fuck, Merlin... You're so hot when you beg for it." 

Gwaine spun Merlin around so that he was now facing the door and pulled his trousers down to his knees. Merlin spread his legs a little and pushed his ass out. _God..._Gwaine thought. _He's such an anal slut._ Not that he was complaining one bit.

Gwaine dropped to his knees and spread Merlin's ass cheeks to look at Merlin's perfect hole that was hiding in between.

"Hmm... such perfection." Gwaine said, licking his lips. He dipped forward and leisurely lapped at Merlin's pink hole. His tongue was moving in slow circles around Merlin's hole and he ever so slightly dipped inside to prepare it for him.

Merlin moaned loudly and pushed his arse back in Gwaine's face. "Yesss...." he said while burying his face in his arms to stop himself getting to loud.

Gwaine was loving every second of it, the sounds Merlin was making, the way he tastes on his tongue, the softness of his beautiful milky skin under his touch. This boy was pure perfection and he thanked his lucky stars that he was able to show him how much he cared for him on a regular basis. 

He pulled back and reached inside his pocket to grab the vial of oil he always carried with him since he's been sleeping with Merlin. It usually was unexpected so he learned that it was more convenient to just take it with him from now on. He uncorked the vial and slicked his fingers with the oil. He then traced Merlin's hole with his index finger, circling it gently, before he slowly slipped it all the way in the tight heat. He loved the way Merlin's hole tightened around his finger and he squeezed his own cock in anticipation. He fucked Merlin with his finger and every time he pushed it in, he pushed it in as far as it would go, loving the way Merlin writhed at his ministrations. He reached around to squeeze Merlin's cock before he pulled out his finger to add a second one, pushing both fingers as far up as they would go.

"Fuck! Gwaine..." Merlin exclaimed. He was biting his forearm now to keep himself quiet, though not very successful. "Please... I can't last much longer. I need your cock, please!" 

Merlin was rambling. That was Gwaine's cue to speed it up, as he didn't want Merlin to come before he was buried deep inside him. 

He pulled out his fingers and undid his own trousers and pushed them down to his knees. He grabbed the vial with oil and coated his cock with it until it was nice and slick. He lined up his cock with Merlin's hole and teased around his entrance. Merlin instantly pushed back but Gwaine quickly pulled away. "No no, Merlin. Behave yourself. You will get it when I'm ready." Gwaine said teasingly. 

Merlin whimpered at that. "Please, Gwaine... I want to feel your cock inside my tight ass." He said panting. He knew exactly what to say to get Gwaine to hurry up.

I took everything Gwaine had not to just slam all the way in Merlin's ass in one hard thrust when he heard Merlin say that. He grabbed his cock and slowly pushed it all the way into Merlin until he was buried completely inside him.

Merlin gasped and reached back to grasp Gwaine's hip to stop him from moving. Gwaine gave him no time to adjust before burying himself all the way inside him and it stung just a little as his body was adjusting to the intrusion. He grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then allowed his body to relax, making it feel a lot better instantly.

"You okay?" Gwaine whispered in his ear before kissing his neck.

"Yeah... move slowly though." Merlin said and he felt Gwaine slowly pulling out until he was almost out completely before slowly pushing back inside him again.

Gwaine kept a slow steady pace until he could hear a small moan coming from Merlin's lips. Taking that as a sign, he sped up the pace and began to thrust inside Merlin harder. Merlin gasped and starting panting. "Hmmm... yessss..." Merlin moaned. 

Gwaine fucked him even harder after that. His thrusts almost brutal, pushing Merlin against the door harder and harder. 

Merlin was going out of his mind with pleasure, It felt so good. Merlin closed his eyes and imagined it was Arthur thrusting inside him instead of Gwaine. Would Arthur fuck him this hard? Or would he be more gentle? He almost felt bad that he was thinking of another man when Gwaine was the one fucking him but he knew Gwaine was only using him for pleasure. There were no feelings involved so it was okay that he was thinking of someone else.

Gwaine was getting close so he reached around Merlin to grab his cock and he started stroking it in time with his thrusts. He could tell Merlin was close as well as he began clenching around his cock. He stroked him faster while he angled his thrusts right into Merlin's prostate. Merlin cried out as he shot his load over his own stomach and Gwaine's hand. Gwaine's orgasm followed right after as Merlin's orgasm made him clench down on his cock and he emptied himself in Merlin's perfect hole.

They both stood there for a while panting until Gwaine pulled himself out of Merlin with a groan from Merlin, and pulled his trousers up and put himself away. He then watched Merlin do the same while he cleaned himself off with a cloth he had in his pocket.

Merlin turned around a little awkwardly. He never quite knew what to say afterwards. His eyes widened in surprise when Gwaine suddenly leaned in and kissed him. He never kissed him, at least not like this. Gwaine reached up to place his hand in his neck. Merlin closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss. He felt Gwaine's tongue on his bottom lip so he opened his mouth in response, letting Gwaine explore his mouth. He wrapped his arms around Gwaine to deepen the kiss even further.

Gwaine pulled back to look at Merlin. He smiled and stroked his cheek, confusing Merlin even more. "Why are you suddenly so gentle?" Merlin asked. "You never do this after our sessions. You usually just start laughing and then you basically run away." 

Gwaine was a little hurt at that. Yeah, he never really stuck around after sex, that was true but it didn't mean he wasn't gentle. But maybe Merlin was right. He was different than usual. He couldn't really explain why. Maybe he did have feelings for Merlin now? 

"I don't know." He said pulling away from Merlin. "Maybe you've grown on me." He said jokingly. "We have been sleeping together for a few months now so some feelings are inevitable I guess..." 

Merlin frowned at that. He wasn't sure he liked where this was going. But at the same time wasn't this what he had wanted? For someone to love him like he deserved? He was thinking just last night that he was never able to get that. But did he have feelings for Gwaine? He wasn't sure. He definitely didn't feel the same as he felt about Arthur. Sure, he cared for Gwaine. They were good friends but it wasn't the same thing. But if feelings were getting involved then things could get complicated. Maybe they should stop before it did.

"What are you saying Gwaine?" He asked. "We can't be together if that's what you're referring to."

"I wasn't, but why couldn't we?" Gwaine asked.

"Because I am a servant and you are a knight. How do you see that happening?" Merlin said.

"So? There is no rulebook that says it's not allowed. I'm not of noble blood so it shouldn't matter." Gwaine said.

"I still think it would be frowned upon." Merlin said.

"Nobody would have to know..." Gwaine said. "Why are we even talking about this? I never said I wanted to be in a relationship with you." Gwaine said a little annoyed with the discussion.

"You said you have feelings for me so naturally I assumed that meant you wanted more." Merlin said.

"Well, you know me. I'm not one to be tied down to one person." Gwaine said although the thought of having Merlin all to himself wasn't a bad one. Maybe he could do it, the whole relationship thing. There was no denying the attraction he felt towards him at this point. Why else would he keep going back for more? He was pulled from his thoughts when Merlin said:

"I think we should stop having sex." 

"What? Why?" Gwaine said a little panicked.

"Because things are getting complicated. I told you when we started this that I didn't want that. You having feelings for me complicates things and I don't want to deal with that." Merlin said.

"What complications are you talking about? Me kissing you? You weren't complaining." Gwaine said a little annoyed. 

"No, this discussion is what I'm talking about. We wouldn't be having it, if it weren't for your feelings so that means complications." Merlin said. He sighed and started to make his way to the door. "I'm done with this discussion Gwaine. I have work to do." He walked out of the cupboard into the corridor to pick up the tray.

"You know what your problem is?" Gwaine spat at him, following him into the corridor. "The problem isn't me. The problem is that you're terrified of being tied down because you're hoping that Arthur will pull his head out of his arse and realise that you're in love with him." 

Merlin was shocked. He didn't think Gwaine knew about his feelings for Arthur but he was more shocked that he would throw them in his face like this. 

"You know nothing about my feelings Gwaine!" He yelled at Gwaine.

"I know enough! I also know that it's never going to happen with Arthur, so you might as well cut your losses and focus on someone who is more in your league!" Gwaine spat back.

"Wow, thanks Gwaine." Merlin said hurt, tears welling up in his eyes. Gwaine said exactly what he was most afraid of happening. He worried all the time that Arthur was out of his league. He was just a servant after all and Arthur was the future King of Camelot. What would he want with just a servant when he could get whoever he wanted? 

Gwaine realised what he had said as he saw the pain in Merlin's eyes. "Shit... I'm sorry Merlin. I didn't mean that." He said as he approached Merlin.

Merlin raised his hand in an attempt to stop Gwaine from getting closer. "Don't..." he said and he turned around, grabbed the tray from the floor and walked away.

***

Arthur was sitting at his desk thinking about what he was going to say to his father at the meeting when Merlin finally walked in with his breakfast, or maybe he should say lunch by this point. It took Merlin over 30 minutes to return with a tray. Arthur didn't go to the kitchens himself often but he knew it didn't take that long to go back and forth. Camelot was big but not that big. He watched Merlin place the tray down in front of him and noticed that something was off about Merlin. He seemed upset but he choose not to say anything about it. Merlin would say nothing was wrong anyway as usual and frankly he didn't have the energy to worry about Merlin right now. 

"Will there be anything else I can do for you Sire?" Merlin said.

_He's being courteous as well. Definitely something wrong with him._ Arthur thought.

"I will be going down for training this afternoon with the knights. Please make sure my armour is clean and ready for use." Arthur said. 

Merlin nodded and made his way out of the room. Arthur watched him leave and then finally made a start on his lunch, eating quickly.

After he finished his lunch, he was reading through some important documents when there was a knock on his door. 

"Enter!" He said and a servant came through the door, bowing his head respectfully. 

"The King has asked for your presence, my Lord." He informed Arthur. 

Arthur tensed but he didn't show it. "Thank you." He said dismissively. 

The servant made his way out of his chambers and Arthur leaned back in his chair. He sighed and rubbed his face. He obviously didn't want to face his father but he thought it better to get it over with as soon as possible so he got up, went over to the mirror to make sure he didn't look a total mess and made his way over to his father's chambers.

He stood in front of the door of his father's chambers and tried to get his fear under control. "Calm down, Arthur." He told himself. "I'm sure it will be fine." He said, although he wasn't sure if he believed it. He took one last deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Enter." His father's voice called out and Arthur stepped into the room. His father was sitting at his desk, writing on some document. Arthur approached his father's desk and just stood there waiting for Uther to acknowledge his presence. 

When Uther finally looked up he said--"Ah, Arthur. You're here." as casual as ever. "Good, we need to discuss the tax issue that we talked about yesterday. Have you collected the extra taxes from the lower town?" He asked and Arthur tensed.

"No, Sire. I have not." He said, keeping his head bowed. 

Arthur could feel the shift in energy in his father and he knew that he was mad.

"Why the hell not?" Uther asked. "Did I not give you clear instructions on what to do yesterday?"

"Yes you did, Sire." 

"Then why haven't you done it? Why have you disobeyed my order, Arthur?" He asked rising from his chair. 

Arthur shifted and cleared his throat, trying to hide his growing anxiety. "I told you yesterday that I didn't agree with your new regulation and I don't feel comfortable taking more from the people. They wouldn't have been able to feed themselves and I can't stand for that to happen." Arthur said as confidently as possible.

"That is not your decision to make! I am the King of Camelot and you will do as I command!" Uther shouted and moved to stand in front of Arthur.

"Then you can do it yourself if it's that important to you!" Arthur shouted back, losing his temper. He instantly regretted it as Uther backhanded him to the floor. He could taste blood, as the blow split his lip. 

"Please father! Please, listen to me!" He tried but he knew it was too late. He was roughly pulled to his feet and shoved towards Uther's bed. 

"Take off your tunic." Uther said coldly and Arthur panicked. 

"No... please don't do this father. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you." Arthur pleaded, tears forming in his eyes because the amount of fear he felt was overwhelming now.

"I will not ask you again, Arthur." Uther replied. 

Arthur's shoulders slumped in defeat and he moved to take off his tunic with trembling hands. He looked up when he heard the sound of Uther undoing his belt.

"Turn towards the bed." Uther commanded and Arthur did as he was told. At this point he had given up and accepted what was coming to him. It was his own fault for losing his temper. He grabbed the bed frame to steady himself as he waited for the first blow.

When the first stroke hit, Arthur hissed in pain. He bit his lip to try and control the sounds coming from him. The blows soon came in short concession and Arthur started to wonder how many he would get. The amount was different every time and it also depended on his father's anger at that point. 

Arthur couldn't contain the small groans coming from his lips as the beating continued. Then Arthur screamed out, as his father started beating his back furiously, without any pauses in between. His father always started slowly but then his anger would rise and he would turn into this maniac he hardly recognised. This was the man he was so afraid of. This man would do things his old father would never even think about. 

"Aaaah! Please stop father! Please!" Arthur started begging, tears running freely now. He was sobbing uncontrollably, not caring that his father thought crying was a weakness. He just needed this to stop. The pain was almost unbearable, although his father's belt wouldn't break the skin this way but it would leave him with very painful welts. And it felt like his back was on fire.

Suddenly, Uther stopped, threw the belt across the room and stomped out of his chambers, leaving Arthur alone and crying on his bed, without a single word of sympathy or apology at treating Arthur so harshly and unfairly.

Arthur pulled himself into a sitting position, careful not to move the skin on his back too much. Regardless of his care, he hissed anyway when he moved. He brushed the back of his hand across his face to wipe away the tears. 

Arthur never felt so alone as in these moments. He felt that the world was against him and that his existence was worth nothing to anyone. He didn't understand how his father could treat him this way. Why was he taking his own pain out on Arthur? What did he do to make his own father hate him so much? It was clear to him that his father did hate him. No one who cares about someone could do that to them. Yes, his father had hit him before Morgana went missing but nothing like this. Nothing like the pure hatred he saw in his eyes now when his father looked at him. That's why he couldn't stand to look his father in his eyes anymore. He couldn't bare what he saw in them. 

Arthur's mind went to a very dark place when he thought to himself _Maybe it's better for all of us if I wasn't here anymore..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Arthur... hopefully a certain someone will be around soon to give him the comfort he so desperately needs.
> 
> Thank you for reading and please leave a comment!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter ready! 
> 
> So, I'm not really keeping to the timeline of the show but I use things of the show whenever I need them in the story. Hopefully it's not too confusing and you're able to keep up with my brain.
> 
> Enjoy!

Merlin was in the armoury, cleaning Arthur's armour when Leon, Percival and Gwaine came in laughing about something Gwaine just said. When Gwaine saw Merlin, his smile dropped from his face and he looked uncomfortable. Merlin glanced at him for a moment before dropping his gaze to the armour again.

“Oh hey, Merlin!” Leon said, oblivious of the tension between Merlin and Gwaine. “Sorry, we'll get out of your way soon. We just need to get our armour for the training session Arthur has planned.” 

“That's okay, Leon. You're not in my way, I'll get out of your way instead.” Merlin responded with a small smile.

Leon smiled back, he could sense that Merlin wasn't his usual self but Leon was not one to ask questions so he said nothing and started looking for his armour.

Merlin started cleaning up his supplies and returning Arthur's armour to where it belonged. When he turned around, he was startled to find Gwaine standing right in front of him.

“Hey...” Gwaine said cautiously but Merlin said nothing and tried to move past Gwaine but Gwaine moved in front of him. “Please, Merlin.... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about earlier.” 

“Yeah, you said that already.” Merlin replied and he pushed past Gwaine but Gwaine grabbed his arm.

“Merlin!” Gwaine said. 

“Let go of me, Gwaine!” Merlin shouted. Percival and Leon turned towards them at the sound of their shouts.

“What's going on?” Percival asked. “Gwaine, let go of Merlin.” 

Gwaine released Merlin's arm with a sigh. “I just wished you'd listen to me, Merlin.” 

“I did listen to you, Gwaine. I heard you loud and clear.” Merlin hissed. “Now if you all could just leave me alone, I have to go get Arthur.” He said and left the armoury to fetch Arthur for his training session.

“What was that all about, Gwaine?” Leon asked. 

Gwaine sat down on one of the benches in the armoury and put his face in his hands. “Nothing... I said something to him that I shouldn't have and now I think our friendship is destroyed because of it.” He said sadly.

“I'm sure that's not true, Gwaine.” Leon said, sitting down next to Gwaine. “You two have a very strong bond and yes Merlin may be mad at you now but that doesn't mean you can't fix it. Just give him time.” 

“When did you get so wise, Leon?” Gwaine joked to lighten the mood.

Leon laughed and patted Gwaine on the back. “I've always been wise, you just never noticed before.” Just like Gwaine to make a joke out of it. It's very rare to see Gwaine serious. 

Gwaine got up from the bench to start getting his armour ready. His smile dropped as he thought of Merlin. He hoped Leon was right and he could find a way to make things right with him. He could live without sex with Merlin, amazing as it was, but he couldn't bear to lose his best friend. He was determined to make things right, it just had to...

***

Merlin was fuming on his way to Arthur's chambers. He didn't expect to run into Gwaine again so soon and if he did, he certainly didn't expect that Gwaine would get in his face. He finally managed to calm down about the whole situation and now he had to start all over again. _Damn-it, Gwaine!_ Why did it have to get so complicated? He didn't want all this drama. Gwaine was supposed to be just casual sex. He should have predicted that this would happen. How could it not happen? Merlin shook his head. “I'm an idiot.” He said out loud. He reached Arthur's chambers and he entered without knocking as usual and what he saw almost made his heart stop.

Arthur was lying on his stomach on his bed, his back covered in welts, facing the window. Merlin ran up to the side of the bed and crouched down so he could look Arthur in the eyes. As soon as Arthur saw Merlin, tears welled up in his eyes again and rolled down his cheeks. 

“Oh Arthur, I'm so sorry this happened.” Merlin said while slowly stroking Arthur's cheek with the back of his hand. Arthur leaned into the touch, seeking comfort from Merlin. “I'm sorry I wasn't here right away. I should have been by your side...”

“It's okay, Merlin.” Arthur said quietly. “You were dealing with your own stuff and you shouldn't have to deal with my stuff as well.”

“No, I should deal with your stuff. It's part of my job description actually.” He joked. “I should have been here for you. As I always am. This is when you need me the most.” He said more seriously. 

Arthur gave a small smile at Merlin's words, not sure what to say. He did need Merlin right now. He could never get through this without Merlin's comforting words, his caring touches. He knows he's using Merlin's feelings for him as a way of feeling loved and he really shouldn't as it isn't fair towards Merlin but he needed it so badly. He needed to feel like at least one person cared about his life.

Merlin glanced at Arthur's back. “I need to get some supplies to clean the welts. I will also put some healing salve on them to help with the pain and to help them heal faster.” He said.

Arthur nodded. “I'll be back in a minute okay?” Merlin asked. Arthur nodded again. Merlin was worried about how quiet Arthur was. He seem to be taking this time harder then any of the other times. Merlin hoped he could get him out of this defeated state. He can't give up. Things will be different for him, he just needed to hold on. 

***

Merlin rushed through the corridors to Gauis's chambers. He ran through the door, startling Gaius who was reading in one of his medical textbooks. 

“For god's sakes, Merlin! You scared me half to death. What's going on?” Gaius asked.

“Sorry, Gaius. Arthur has had a beating again and I need supplies to treat the welts.” Merlin said while trying to find what he was looking for.

“Does he need me to look at him?” Gaius asked. “How badly is he injured?” 

“No, that's okay. Thank you, Gaius. I think he needs me mostly. The welts just need to be cleaned and treated. They are not deep. The damage is mostly psychological I'm afraid.”

Gaius knew what physical abuse did to both the body and mind as he had seen it many times in his years as a physician. Arthur was going through so much of it now and by the hands of the person he had looked up to the most.

Merlin stilled his search suddenly, sighing.

“Are you okay, Merlin?” Gaius asked. 

Merlin turned around and there were tears glistening in his eyes. Gaius walked up to him and pulled him into a loving embrace. As soon as he did, Merlin broke out in sobs on his shoulder. “Shhh... he's going to be alright, Merlin.”

Merlin pulled back to look at Gaius. “It's not just Arthur. I'm having the worst day possible and I can't take it anymore.” He started pacing in the room. “First, this morning... I messed up and spilled Arthur's breakfast all over Uther, so he hit me.” Merlin said pointing at the bruise on his cheek.

Gaius had noticed but didn't think it was the time to ask. He said nothing, letting Merlin finish.

“Then I got into a fight with Gwaine. He said some really hurtful things to me and now that's all ruined.”

Gaius knew that Merlin was sleeping with Gwaine although Merlin had never mentioned it but he wasn't born yesterday. He knew more then he let on. He also wondered if it was a good idea that Merlin was sleeping with Gwaine because he also knows that Merlin has feelings for Arthur. Of course, Merlin has no idea that he knows that either.

“Does this fight with Gwaine have anything to do with the fact that you're sleeping together?” Gaius said, interrupting Merlin's rant.

Merlin gaped at Gaius. “How did you know?” He asked.

“It was obvious, Merlin.” 

“Do you think Arthur knows about it as well?“ 

Gaius rolled his eyes at that. Of course, that was the first thing that Merlin worried about, whether or not Arthur knew about it. 

“No, I don't think he knows. It was only obvious to me because I know you so well.” 

Merlin visibly relaxed at Gaius's words. “Good... I don't want him to know.” He said.

“Why don't you want him to know, Merlin? Would it matter to Arthur?” Gaius asked, wanting to see if Merlin would say something about his feelings towards Arthur.

“No... no of course it wouldn't matter to him. I just don't want him to know because... because Gwaine is a knight. Arthur would surely have a problem with a knight sleeping with a servant.” Merlin said. “Anyway, I really need to get back to Arthur with the supplies.” Merlin said, changing the subject.

“Yes, of course.” Gaius said as he quickly gathered the supplies that Merlin was still missing. “Here, this should be all you need.” 

“Thanks, Gaius! Oh, and could you let the knights know that Arthur won't be coming to their training session? They're waiting for him, just say that he's not feeling well.” Merlin said as he ran out of their chambers.

***

When Merlin returned to Arthur's chambers he found that Arthur had drifted off to sleep, tear stains on his cheeks. Merlin looked at Arthur and thought he couldn't look more beautiful than in this particular moment. His face was relaxed and he had a peaceful expression on his face. He felt bad waking him up because that would mean he would have to return to the present moment of pain and hurt. He ran his hand gently through Arthur's hair so he wouldn't startle him and Arthur slowly blinked his eyes open, a small smile on his lips as he saw Merlin. 

“Hi... I'm back.” Merlin whispered. “How are you feeling?” He asked Arthur but he just got a shrug as a response. 

Merlin moved to sit on the side of Arthur's bed and started unpacking the supplies. It wasn't much, a disinfectant to clean the welts, a healing salve and a potion to relieve the pain. “I'm going to start applying the disinfectant now, okay? It might sting a little.” He asked Arthur.

Arthur gave a nod and Merlin grabbed the jar and put some of the disinfectant on his hand. He then placed his hand on Arthur's back and started applying it, starting with his shoulders. Arthur winced and groaned a little but he didn't move. “Let me know if the pain gets too much, okay? Do you want something for the pain? I brought a potion.” Merlin stopped applying the disinfectant for a moment to wait for Arthur's reply.

“I'm fine. I can take it.” Arthur said.

“I know you _can_ take it, but you don't _have_ to take it. There is no shame in taking something.” Merlin said.

“I said I'm fine.” Arthur snapped. “Just get on with it.”

“Okay, but let me know if you change your mind at any point.” Merlin said, not pressing it any further at this stage, knowing full well how stubborn Arthur could be.

He finished applying the disinfectant on the whole of Arthur's back and reached for the healing salve. He dipped his fingers in the jar and generously applied it to the welts. He heard Arthur sigh and visibly relax as the salve soothed the welts and took away the sharpness of the pain. Merlin took his time with this process as he enjoyed the feeling of Arthur's skin under his fingers. He liked the way the muscles on Arthur's back moved with his fingers as he worked the salve into them. _Maybe one day he would let me give him a real massage. One that he would actually enjoy and with better circumstances._ Merlin thought. 

Merlin couldn't keep going any longer as he was sure Arthur would notice he was taking his time with it, so he stopped and started clearing away the supplies, putting the salve and the disinfectant on Arthur's nightstand. Arthur raised himself into a sitting position on the bed, legs crossed and looked at Merlin expectingly. “Will you stay with me tonight?” He asked tentatively. “I don't want to be alone.” 

Merlin looked up and saw the desperation in Arthur's eyes. He smiled. “Of course.” He answered. How could he say no? This was the part where Arthur needed _him_. Anyone could have cleaned his wounds but he wouldn't let anyone do what he was about to do.

Arthur moved and slipped under the covers of his bed, gently placing his back against the sheets. Merlin walked to the other side of the bed and took of his jacket, neckerchief, belt, shoes and socks. Then he lifted the covers and slipped in the bed next to Arthur and turned to his side, facing Arthur. Arthur turned to his side as well, facing Merlin. They looked at each other a little awkwardly for a moment, then Arthur moved closer to Merlin so that he could snuggle into Merlin's neck and Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur to pull him close to his body, burying his nose into Arthur's hair so he could take in his magnificent scent. 

They stayed like this for a long time, enjoying the comfort that they both craved so badly. Neither of them had said a word since Arthur asked Merlin to stay but they didn't need to as the comfort was what they both needed right now. 

Suddenly, Arthur pulled back to look Merlin in the eyes. Merlin looked down at Arthur confused, he couldn't quite read the expression in Arthur's eyes. Arthur's eyes drifted down to his mouth and he swallowed hard. “Arthur?” He said questioningly. Arthur licked his lips and then closed the distance between them and pressed his lips against Merlin's. Merlin immediately melted into the kiss and pulled Arthur even closer to him. Arthur's kisses soon became more frantic and that made Merlin pull away. 

“Wait....Arthur....” He said against Arthur's lips, trying to put some distance between them but Arthur didn't let him and wrapped his hand around his neck, holding him in place.

The kiss didn't feel right to Merlin. No, that wasn't true, it felt absolutely amazing! But he felt he was taking advantage of Arthur in his vulnerable state. This is what he wanted for so long but not like this. Not when Arthur was in this state of mind. He wanted Arthur to want _him_ like he wanted Arthur, not just to ease his pain through comfort. This wasn't right, he had to stop. He pushed Arthur back again. “Arthur, stop.” Determination in his voice. 

“Please, Merlin.” Arthur then said pleadingly, eyes full of pain. 

A moment's hesitation and Merlin gave in, crushing their lips together almost desperately. Arthur rolled Merlin on his back so that he was on top and gently bit Merlin's lip. Merlin gasped and Arthur pushed his tongue inside his mouth, deepening the kiss. Arthur maneuvered himself so that he was in between Merlin's legs, pushing them apart, getting as close as possible to Merlin. 

As their groins met, Merlin noticed that Arthur was hard and quite frankly, so was he. He reached down and grabbed Arthur's ass and pulled him down, while he thrusts his own hips upwards to meet Arthur's.

Suddenly, Arthur pulled back and rolled off of Merlin, laid on his side with his back towards Merlin, leaving him confused and wanting. 

“Uhm... what happened, Arthur?” Merlin asked. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“No, I'm just tired. I've had a long day and I need to sleep. You should get some sleep too.” He said and he leaned up to blow out the candle on his nightstand, leaving them in darkness. 

“Right... okay...” He said, not really sure what to say. He turned to his side, facing away from Arthur. _What did I do? Why did he stop so suddenly? I thought he wanted this._ He thought to himself. He has never been more confused as he was right now. He eyes drifted closed, he realised he was exhausted after everything that happened today. So many emotions in one day and he didn't quite know how to deal with it all and what it all meant. He was still thinking about everything when his exhaustion won, and he drifted off to sleep. 

***

The next morning, sunlight hit Arthur's face, warming it up. He slowly opened his eyes, squinting against the light. _Did Merlin forget to close the curtains?_ He thought before a stinging pain in his back reminded him of everything that happened last night. He looked over and saw that Merlin was still fast asleep. _Merlin..._ He thought about what happened between them last night and groaned. _What have I done? Now everything is going to be weird between us. I should never have..._ Merlin shifted and he was pulled from his thoughts. He quickly got up and looked around for his shirt. 

“Morning...” Merlin's sleepy voice sounded from behind him. 

“Morning.” He mumbled back, barely audible.

Merlin was sitting up in Arthur's bed now, uncomfortably. He wasn't sure if he should mention last night now or if he should wait. Arthur seemed to be in avoidance mode. He couldn't even look at him. He got up and started putting on his socks and shoes. 

“Are we going to talk about what happened last night?” Merlin said, decided that now was a good time.

Arthur ignored him and continued dressing himself, wincing every now and then while doing so. Merlin huffed. “Well, I guess not then...” 

Still no response from Arthur. He walked back over to the bed to get the rest of his stuff and made for the door. 

“Merlin.” Arthur suddenly said, making him spin back around. He looked at Arthur expectingly. 

“Get me my breakfast will you?” Arthur said, barely even glancing in his direction.

Disappointed, Merlin nodded, knowing that Arthur wouldn't see that but didn't care, turned around and walked out of Arthur's chambers. 

As soon as the door closed behind Merlin, Arthur let out a long sigh and sat down at his desk. He knew he was being very mean towards Merlin by not even acknowledging that anything had happened but he was too afraid of what would happen if they had that conversation. What if Merlin expected them to be together now? Or what if Merlin thought that this would happen again if he even talked about it? No, he couldn't risk it. It should never have happened in the first place. He had no intention of kissing him at all before _that_ moment. He didn't know what came over him. He felt Merlin smelling his hair and he suddenly had this urge and when he looked up and saw those beautiful lips and he just had to taste them. So he did, the situation lowering his inhibitions and worries, and what a kiss it was... Never in a million years had he expected that _Merlin_ could kiss like _that_. It was nothing short of a perfect first kiss. Which is part of the reason why he was so confused now. A kiss _that_ good... it had to mean something... but what?

The door to his chambers opened again as Merlin walked inside with his breakfast and this time, he did look at Merlin. There was no denying that Merlin was beautiful, with his milky skin, gorgeous blue eyes and incredible smile. He wondered what would have happened if he didn't stop things progressing last night. Would he have been able to see more of his perfect skin? Would he have been able to touch every inch of it? Kiss it? Smell it? Taste it? He wondered what Merlin tasted like... probably like heaven, just as his mouth had. He could feel a stir in his trousers as he thought about the taste of Merlin's lips on his. 

Merlin was setting up Arthur's breakfast on the table. He could sense Arthur's eyes on him without even needing to glance up. When he did look up, Arthur was watching him with a strange intensity in his eyes, an almost hungry look. He seemed to be considering something and he must have come to a conclusion because he suddenly got up and walked towards Merlin with a slightly intimidating determination. He almost looked angry, which scared Merlin a little because he was so unsure of what was going through Arthur's mind. Arthur stopped right in front of Merlin, looking him dead in the eye and then he grabbed the front of Merlin's tunic and pulled him close so that their faces were only a few inches apart. Merlin raised his hand to Arthur's chest to steady himself and he could feel Arthur's breath on his cheek. “Arthur... what are you...” He started but was cut off when Arthur placed a finger delicately on his lips to silence him. Arthur lowered his finger, looked down at Merlin's mouth and crushed their lips together. Merlin took a sharp inhale of breath before wrapping his arms around Arthur's neck, kissing back furiously. He tried to deepen the kiss when Arthur pulled back and looked him in the eyes again.

“Merlin...” he whispered. “I don't know what this means but I couldn't stop thinking about last night. All I could think about was the feel of your lips on mine.” He said. 

Merlin lowered his arms to Arthur's chest and looked down. “I thought you regretted it. You practically ignored me earlier.” He said sadly.

“I know... I'm sorry.” Arthur said. “I was freaking out. I was scared of having this conversation because I don't know where it will lead and I don't know what I want...”

“I want you...” Merlin said shyly. 

Arthur smiled and brushed his hand over Merlin's cheek. “I know you do, Merlin. Which is why I was reluctant... I don't want to hurt you.”

“Ignoring me hurts me....” 

“I'm sorry...” Arthur said again. 

“So now you decided to kiss me again. What does that mean?” Merlin asked. 

“I can't tell you. I don't know what it means. All I knew was that I wanted to kiss you again, so badly. I didn't really think beyond that.” He pulled away from Merlin and sat down at the table. He gestured for Merlin to sit. “Please, have breakfast with me. There is plenty for both of us. We could talk...” 

Merlin nodded and sat down at the table opposite Arthur. They ate in silence for a while, both feeling nervous about the situation. “So... what now?” Merlin finally said.

Arthur looked at Merlin. “I don't know... maybe just see what happens? I'm not promising you a relationship right now, Merlin. Pretty sure my father wouldn't approve of it anyway...” He said looking down at his plate.

Merlin was a little sad to hear him say that but he wasn't surprised by it. Uther's objections came up in his thoughts quite frequently. “So you're saying that you would be okay with hooking up on occasion?” 

Arthur snorted. “Hooking up? We haven't done anything besides kissing and you're talking about sex already?” 

Merlin grinned. “Come on... you know very well that if you hadn't pulled away last night, a lot more would have happened than just kissing.” 

Arthur was surprised at Merlin's frankness. He expected him to be quite shy when it came down to sex. He even thought that maybe Merlin was a virgin but the make-out session last night made him change his mind about that. Merlin's actions didn't seem like those of a virgin. The way he grabbed his ass and ground his hips up against Arthur was not very shy at all. 

Arthur looked at Merlin amused. “What?” Merlin asked.

“Nothing, you're just surprising me, that's all.” He said. 

“In what way?” Merlin asked.

“Well, I didn't think you would be so... forward.” Arthur said. “I actually always thought that maybe you were a virgin.” Arthur said.

Merlin raised his eyebrows at that. “Really? Uhm... no, I'm not but I kind of like that you have actually thought about me having sex.” He said with a smirk. 

Arthur blushed at that, realising that he now had admitted to Merlin that he had thought about him in that way. 

“You're really cute when you blush.” Merlin said. 

Arthur groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Don't say that...” His voice muffled by his hands.

Merlin laughed. “I never knew you could be so shy, Arthur. I quite like this side of you.” 

Arthur looked up. “Yeah, well... don't get used to it.” 

The truth was that Arthur had never actually been in a relationship because he spend most of his time training to be a better knight. He wasn't a virgin in the sense that he had slept with women but he had never had sex with another man. This was part of the reason why he freaked out last night when he felt Merlin's erection pressed up against his. He suddenly panicked about how inexperienced he was and that he wouldn't know what to do in the slightest. Obviously, he knew the mechanics, he wasn't an idiot. 

Last night was his first kiss with another man as well. He always knew he was attracted to men as well as he only fantasized about other men, never women. He also had crushes on some of his fellow knights in the past, although not recently. And yes, Merlin was part of his fantasies once or twice. He had always wondered what Merlin would look like naked. Not that he would ever let Merlin know about these fantasies of course. He would mock him endlessly if he did.

In a way, he was glad that Merlin had experience with men. This way at least one of them knew what they were doing and Merlin could show him what to do. He was surprised to note that he didn't like the idea of Merlin having sex with other men. He wanted him all to himself. God... he was getting possessive already. “Have you had sex with someone here in Camelot?” He asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

Merlin looked up from his plate. “Why do you want to know?” 

“Just curious... I mean, I'm sure you must have. You've been here a while after all.” He said, suddenly nervous about the answer.

Merlin looked down at his plate again, pushing his food around. “Yeah, I have...” 

“Anyone I know?” Arthur asked.

Merlin looked at Arthur. He wasn't sure he wanted Arthur to know about his sexual history, although he didn't really know why. Maybe part of him was ashamed of it or maybe he was afraid that Arthur wouldn't like his choices and turn him away. He was finally starting something with Arthur and he didn't want to do anything to ruin that. But if they were to start something that was real, he did need to be honest with him. He was lying to Arthur enough already in regards to his magic, he didn't want to add more lies to it.

“Lancelot and Gwaine” He said quietly. 

Arthur frowned at that. “Really? I had no idea... although I shouldn't be surprised at Gwaine. He hits on everything that moves. But Lancelot as well? I didn't know he was into men.”

“Yeah, I was in a relationship with him before he died...” Merlin said sadly.

“I”m sorry, Merlin. It must have been even harder for you when he died.” Arthur said sympathetically. “How long were you together?” He asked.

“We had sex the first time he came to Camelot to try and become a knight but we didn't really become an item until he moved back to Camelot permanently and he became an actual knight. So a little over a year...” Merlin said.

“Wait... but wasn't he like all over Gwen the first time he came to Camelot?” Arthur asked.

Merlin snorted. “Yeah, he was smitten with her. At that point we just had casual sex. So no commitment of any kind, that wasn't until later.”

“Did you love him?” Arthur asked.

Merlin smile faltered. “Yeah... I did.” 

Arthur reached across the table and placed his hand on Merlin's and squeezed slightly. Merlin gave him a little sad smile. 

Arthur pulled his hand back and asked, “So, what about Gwaine? Was that a relationship as well? Or is it still?” He asked, dreading the answer.

“No, Gwaine was never a relationship. Just casual sex. That's all I wanted with him.” Merlin said. 

“How long have you been sleeping with him?” 

“A couple of months now...” 

“When was the last time you slept with him?” Arthur asked, letting his curiosity completely take over at this point.

Merlin pursed his lips. “Yesterday...” He said.

“Oh...” Arthur said, not hiding his disappointment very well.

“But we had a huge fight afterwards and I'm still mad at him because of it.” Merlin said.

“What did you fight about?” 

“He told me he has feelings for me but I said that I didn't want things to get complicated so I told him that we should stop having sex. He said something really hurtful after that.” Merlin explained.

“Hang on... was that right before my meeting with my father, when you brought me my lunch?” 

Merlin nodded.

“I knew something was off. You were being way too polite.” He said. “That explains why it took you over 30 minutes to bring me another tray of food. You were off having fun with Gwaine. Do you always have sex while you're on duty?” He asked, pretending to be upset.

Merlin's eyes widened. “No! I mean... sometimes it happens but this is not normal, I swear.” He said. “Besides, it was your fault it happened anyway.”

“What? How can it be my fault?” Arthur asked.

“You got me all worked up with that stupid comment of yours about me doing nasty things to you.” He said.

Arthur smirked. “Oh yeah?” 

“God, you have no idea what that did to me.” He said. “So you see... I had no choice.”

“Hmm... I can imagine...” Arthur said, looking at Merlin, eyes darkening at the thought of Merlin getting aroused because of him.

Merlin's eyes darkened as well at the look Arthur was giving him. He licked his lips absentmindedly and saw Arthur's eyes flick towards it, watching the movement. “Stop looking at me like that or I will have 'no choice' but to ravish you right here, right now.” Merlin said.

Arthur almost choked on his own saliva, blush returning to his cheeks. “Sorry...” He muttered.

Merlin grinned and grabbed his cup of water from the table to take a sip. 

Arthur gave a small cough and asked, “Any other relationships or people you slept with outside Camelot?” 

“Just Will, back in Ealdor.” He said. “I was with him for about 2 years. He was my first everything. We broke up when I moved to Camelot.”

“I see...” Arthur said, thinking about the fact that Will also died. He suddenly felt really sad that Merlin had to bury two of his boyfriends. He really has been through a lot of shit. Maybe he could be a good thing in Merlin's life? 

Merlin got up from his chair. “I really enjoyed this chat, Arthur but I really have to get to work. Your armour doesn't polish itself!” He said smiling. 

“Of course.” Arthur said, getting up as well. “I enjoyed it as well. It was nice getting to know you a little bit more personally.” He moved a bit closer to Merlin.

“I hope to get to know more about your past relationships as well later.” Merlin said, brushing Arthur's cheek with his hand. 

“Uhh.. yeah.. you will.” Arthur said a bit awkwardly. He leaned closer and kissed Merlin softly and then pulled back. 

Merlin smiled and started gathering the empty breakfast plates. He then walked to the door where he turned back towards Arthur, “I'll see you later then.” He smiled and walked out of Arthur's chambers.

Arthur stared at the door for a while after Merlin left and smiled to himself. This was a whole other side of Merlin he had never seen before and he was liking it, a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know in the comments what your thoughts are on the story so far.
> 
> I hope to update again soon but I will be moving house, countries even, in the next couple of days so it might take a bit longer.
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! 
> 
> Enjoy!!
> 
> Warning: Explicit sexual content.

Merlin was practically bouncing off the walls all day. He had gotten so much done that day already and it was only like two o'clock or something. He was so happy with how things went with Arthur that he couldn't stop smiling. A few people in the castle had even looked at him like they were wondering if there had been something in his tea or something, but he didn't care. He was happy and he was going to enjoy this moment because it might not last. He just came back to pick up some supplies for Gaius and was walking down the corridors to his and Gaius's chambers when he saw Gwaine coming from the opposite direction. For the first time that day, his smile dropped from his face. 

“Hey...” Gwaine said stopping in front of Merlin, looking awkwardly down to his feet.

“Hey...” Merlin replied, feeling just as awkward. “How are you?” He asked.

“I've been better, if Im honest.” Gwaine said sadly. “Listen... do you think we can meet up later to talk?” 

Merlin didn't particularly want to but if he wanted to keep Gwaine as a friend he had to make an effort. “Sure... I'll come to your chambers after I finished up with Arthur tonight.”

Gwaine smiled, relieved that Merlin was willing to talk. “Great.” He said. “I'll see you tonight then.”

Merlin nodded and gave a little awkward smile back and then continued on his way. He was nervous about this chat with Gwaine. Gwaine could be temperamental and he didn't want it to end in another fight. He also wondered if he should mention Arthur yet. It's not that Arthur and him were exclusive at this point so maybe he should wait with that. He's just going to have to see where the conversation would take him. He quickly made his way to Gaius's chambers to deliver the supplies.

By the time he entered Gaius's chambers he was smiling again. It seemed that not much could stop that today. 

“Hi Gaius! I have the supplies you asked for.” He said to Gaius and he placed them on the table.

“Why are you in such a good mood?” Gaius asked, eying him suspiciously. 

“No reason!” Merlin said.

“Does it have anything to do with Arthur? Yesterday you were all upset and then you spend the night with Arthur and now you're bouncing of the walls. Did something happen between you two?” Gaius asked, not letting him not answer.

Gaius got his answer as Merlin's face flushed bright red. 

Gaius frowned at that. “Merlin... do you think that is a good idea? He's the prince of Camelot. Uther would never approve of a union like that.” 

Merlin's face fell. “Why did you have to do that, Gauis?” 

“What?” Gaius asked, confused. 

“Turning this into something bad. This is the best thing that has happened to me in a while. I have wanted this to happen for a long time, Gaius.”

“I know that you've wanted this, Merlin but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.” Gaius said.

Merlin looked at Gaius surprised. “Wait... you knew I wanted Arthur?”

“Yes, Merlin. I did.” Gaius said. 

“How? I never said anything.”

“You didn't have to. I could tell by the way you were always talking about him and the look on your face when you did. It was obvious to me.” Gaius said.

“Why didn't you ever say anything?” Merlin asked.

“Because I thought that nothing would ever come of it so I thought it best not to mention it. Besides, I was also waiting for you to bring it up, which you never did, I might add.” Gaius.

Merlin felt hurt at Gaius's words. Another person who thought that Arthur was too good for him, still feeling the sting of Gwaine's words from the previous day. 

“Of course you would think I'm not good enough for Arthur. I don't need you to tell me that... I already know I'm not.” He said sadly.

Noting Merlin's sadness, Gaius walked up to Merlin and placed his hand on his shoulder. “That's not what I said, Merlin. Of course you are good enough for him, you're an amazing person and Arthur should be lucky to have you, but there are just so many things against you if you were to start a relationship with Arthur and I would hate to see you get hurt again. I remember how heartbroken you were when Lancelot died.” 

“I know I'm taking a risk with Arthur but does that mean I should ignore my feelings? I believe there is a reason I feel this strongly about him. Even the great dragon said that we were two sides of the same coin. What if he meant that we are soul mates or something?” Merlin said. 

“Maybe, but maybe not. There is no way to know that for sure and if he didn't mean that, than your destiny with Arthur could be compromised if your relationship went wrong for some reason.” 

“I don't believe it will. I think we will be great together.” Merlin said stubbornly. “Look.. you don't have to worry. We are not even in a relationship yet. All that happened was a kiss and we talked about it. Arthur is not sure of us either, so let me please see where this goes first before we start freaking out, okay?” 

“Alright, Merlin. Just promise me you'll be careful? I would hate to see you get banned from Camelot because of this, or worse...” Gaius said.

“I promise, Gaius.” Merlin said, patting Gaius on his shoulder. 

***

Arthur was reluctantly making his way to his father's chambers, as a moment earlier, a servant came into his room, informing him that his father had wanted to see him. He wondered what he wanted. He didn't really want to see him now as the first time after a beating was always very uncomfortable. _Maybe he wanted to apologise?_ Arthur snorted at that thought. No, of course not. He never apologised. Usually he just pretended nothing had happened at all and got on with whatever he had going on. He was sure this time wouldn't be any different. Arthur sighed. It would be nice to hear something from his father that suggested that he was sorry for how he treated him. That he was more than just a waste of space. He craved nothing more than to hear that come out of his mouth.

He arrived at his father's chambers and knocked on the door, he heard his father call to come in and walked into his chambers. His father was sitting at his desk as usual and didn't glance up. He walked up to his father's desk and waited. The actions of it, bringing him back to yesterday, when he did the exact same thing. He glanced over at his father's bed where he was beaten so badly. He forced himself to look away and focused on his boots instead, praying that he wasn't being summoned because his father was mad at him again. He couldn't take another beating this close together, he was still so sore. 

“Good. You're here.” Uther said, making Arthur nearly jump out of his skin. 

“Hello, Sire.” He said in acknowledgment. “You summoned me?” 

“Yes, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Uther said.

“Okay... what is it?” Arthur said.

“It's about the tax change we talked about yesterday.” Uther said and Arthur froze, panic rising. If they talked about this again, it would definitely end badly for him. He couldn't agree with his father on this, but he couldn't disobey him either. His heart began to race and he felt himself getting sweaty. 

“I think you were right.” Uther then said. 

“What?” Arthur blurted out before he could stop himself.

“The tax change would be too high for the people to be able to afford. So I decided not to go through with it after all.” Uther explained.

Arthur felt a massive amount of relief wash over him. “I'm glad to hear that, Sire.” He said, keeping his excitement at bay. Now was not the time, he still needed to get out of these chambers unharmed. 

“I'm writing my final decision about this as we speak.” Uther said. “Thank you for bringing to my attention that it was an unreasonable request.”

Arthur was stunned. His father was thanking him? That hadn't happened since before Morgana disappeared. What did this mean? Was the man Uther used to be, coming back? Or was this just a fluke? The little hope this gave Arthur, made him take a risk.

“Father? Can I ask you something?” He said. 

“Hmm..” Uther replied, his eyes never leaving the piece of parchment he was writing on.

Arthur moved towards the chair that was next to his father's desk and sat down. Uther looked up at that and looked at Arthur questioningly. Arthur swallowed hard and looked down at his hands. “Why do you hurt me the way that you do?” He asked, heart pounding so hard, he was sure Uther could hear it. 

“Do you think I'm being too hard on you?” Uther asked in response.

“Honestly... yes, I do. I don't think I deserve the way you're treating me lately.” Arthur said, feeling brave. “Something has changed... you never used to beat me like that before Morgana disappeared.” 

Uther's face hardened at the mention of Morgana and Arthur almost lost his nerve but he managed to say, “It wasn't my fault that she went missing and I tried everything in my power to find her.” Tears forming in his eyes.

Uther sighed and rubbed his face. “I know it's not your fault, Arthur.” He said quietly, looking at Arthur. “And I know I'm mistreating you.” Arthur saw genuine regret in his father's eyes. “I am sorry, Arthur. What I did to you yesterday was unforgivable. I wouldn't even allow servants to be treated that way but my own son...”

Arthur saw Uther's eyes glistening with tears and he felt his own spill over. He couldn't believe he was hearing this. “Why?” He choked out.

“I couldn't tell you why, Arthur. I'm just full of anger and there are times I can't control it. I let it completely overtake me. Normally, when we would argue about something... I managed to push my anger down but now... it rises much faster and I'm losing control. Unfortunately, you are the only one that challenges me, and your manservant at times, and that's why you are the recipient of that anger, and so was he yesterday morning. I'm sorry, Arthur. Truly, I am... I hope you can forgive me.” Uther said.

Arthur wiped at his eyes. “Will you stop? I mean... is there a way we can stop it from happening again? I can't handle much more.” 

Uther raised his hand to place it on Arthur's shoulder but Arthur violently flinched away, jumping out of his chair. 

Uther raised both his hands in a surrendering kind of way. “I wasn't going to hurt you, son.” He said. 

Arthur let out a breath. “Sorry... habit... I guess.” and sat back down. 

“I guess I need to rebuild your trust.” Uther said sadly. “Believe me when I say... I will do anything in my power to get your trust back, Arthur. I promise.” 

“Thank you, father.” Arthur smiled and this time, when Uther reached for his shoulder, he didn't flinch.

***

Arthur walked down to the training grounds in a sort of a daze. He still couldn't believe the conversation he had with his father just now. He wasn't sure if he believed him though, it almost sounded too good to be true. He guessed only time would tell if he actually kept to his word. The problem was that his father had said that he couldn't always control his anger, which meant that it could still go very wrong if he lost his temper. 

He arrived at the training grounds to see the knights already waiting for him. Good, they were all on time. He glanced at Gwaine. Seeing him didn't make Arthur feel any better about him and Merlin but there was nothing he could do about it. He saw Merlin setting up his weapons for the training, concentrating on his work. He hadn't noticed Arthur yet. He walked up to Merlin. 

“Hey...” He said shyly. 

Merlin looked up and smiled at him. “Hey yourself.”

“Listen, can we talk tonight? I really want to tell you something.” Arthur asked. 

“Uhm... I would love to but I already have plans with Gwaine tonight...” Merlin said. 

Arthur couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy at that. 

“I will attend to you tonight as normal though, but I can't stay long.” Merlin continued. 

“Oh okay. That's okay.” Arthur said, not hiding his disappointment very well. 

“Sorry...” Merlin said, sensing Arthur's disappointment. “It's just that Gwaine asked me earlier as well. He wants to talk about what happened yesterday and I want to make things right with him.” He explained. 

“You don't have to explain, Merlin. It's okay.” Arthur said with a smile. “I'll tell you tomorrow.”

“Is it a good or a bad thing?” Merlin asked, his curiosity taking over.

“Potentially a very good thing.” 

“What's a good thing?” Gwaine said, suddenly appearing next to them, smiling broadly. 

“That's really none of your business, Gwaine.” Arthur said a little more sharply then he intended and he walked away to start the training session.

Gwaine frowned at Arthur. “What's gotten into him?” He asked Merlin. “Did you guys have a fight or something?” 

“I really couldn't tell you, Gwaine.” Merlin said, smiling, knowing full well what Arthur's problem was. He liked the idea of Arthur being jealous. 

Merlin walked away from Gwaine knowing that he was very confused right now and sat down on the bench near the training grounds. He had a few of Arthur's things to clean and polish and he would do that while watching the knights train. Well... watching Arthur train. He couldn't keep his eyes of Arthur. For some reason he looked even better now. He always casually observed Arthur when he could do so unnoticeable but this time Arthur glanced back at him every once in a while, a small smirk on his lips. Every time their eyes connected, he could feel the butterflies in his stomach. God, he was behaving like a schoolgirl with a crush on the popular boy but it was such a good feeling. 

The next time he glanced up, Arthur was looking at him with a very different expression on his face, one that went straight to his cock. It was such an intense look, so full of want and longing that he could feel himself growing hard and it was becoming uncomfortable very quickly. He placed some of Arthur's armour strategically over his groin and legs, slipped a hand underneath and squeezed his now fully hard cock for some relief. He pinched his lips to stop him from making any sounds. He looked up and saw that Arthur was looking at him, one eyebrow cocked. Merlin smirked and winked at Arthur. Arthur immediately flushed red, obviously aware of what was going on with Merlin. Merlin's smirk fell when he saw that Gwaine was looking between the two of them. He clearly had a good idea of what was happening between Merlin and Arthur because he was now walking towards Merlin looking very unhappy. Merlin got up from the bench and walked towards the armoury to put Arthur's clean armour away and to get some distance from the others as Gwaine surely wanted to talk about what he just saw. 

He opened the door to the armoury and walked inside. He was placing Arthur's armour on the table when Gwaine followed him inside. 

Merlin knew Gwaine wasn't happy at all when he came straight to the point and asked, “What is going on between you and Arthur?” 

“What makes you think anything is going on?” Merlin said evasively.

“Oh come on! You were practically eye-fucking each other right there on the field and I know that you are hard right now. I'm not blind.” Gwaine said.

“Uhh... I'm not hard and you're clearly seeing things.” Merlin said.

Gwaine crossed the distance between them, shoved Merlin against the wall and cupped his groin. 

“Hey!” Merlin said angrily and slapped Gwaine's hand away and then tried to push Gwaine away from him but Gwaine wouldn't let him. Gwaine grabbed both his wrists and pinned them above his head against the wall. 

“Let go of me!” Merlin shouted.

Gwaine held onto both of Merlin's wrists with one hand and let his other hand drop to Merlin's groin again. He grabbed Merlin's cock through his trousers and squeezed roughly. Merlin bucked his hips into Gwaine's hand and moaned loudly, knees buckling. 

Merlin opened his eyes and stared at Gwaine angrily, eyes very dark with lust. Gwaine plunged forward and crushed their mouths together. Gwaine's left hand was still holding Merlin's wrists and his right hand was on Merlin's cock. He moved his right hand to undo Merlin's trousers and he shoved his hand inside, wrapping it around Merlin's cock and gave it a few hard strokes. Merlin opened his mouth to moan and Gwaine took the opportunity to plunge his tongue into Merlin's mouth. He kissed him furiously for a moment before pulling back and turning Merlin roughly around so that he was facing the wall. He pushed Merlin's trousers down, spat on his fingers and pushed them roughly inside of Merlin. Merlin gasped and pushed his ass back on Gwaine's fingers. Gwaine was fucking Merlin on his fingers roughly, quickly opening him up. He pulled out his fingers, undid his own trousers, fished the vial of oil out of his pocket and pushed them down to his knees. He opened the vial and slicked up his cock. He lined himself up with Merlin's hole and pushed inside with one brutal thrust. 

Merlin screamed, his eyes rolling back into his head. He almost came right then and there. Merlin doesn't like to admit it but he loves it when Gwaine is this rough with him. This combination of pain and pleasure is absolutely sensational. He whimpered when Gwaine started fucking him at a brutal pace, not giving him any time to adjust. He had no choice but to take it and man.. he was going to feel this for a while. 

Gwaine sneaked his arm around Merlin to grab his cock and pump it in time with his forceful strokes. He bend down and bit Merlin's neck and Merlin screamed out and came all over Gwaine's hand. Gwaine grabbed Merlin's hips hard, definitely leaving bruises there, and pounded into Merlin a few more time before coming hard. 

Gwaine pulled away from Merlin almost immediately and fixed his clothes. Then he started pacing in the armoury. Merlin pulled his trousers up and turned around, he could see that Gwaine was mad, although the way that he just fucked him should have told him that already. Gwaine liked to punish him if he did something he didn't like. Usually that resulted in a brutal fuck, like this one. Not that Merlin was complaining, although it did make him feel like he was being used and if Gwaine had a problem with him, he should just say it, instead of using it as an excuse to be rough with him.

“Look... Gwaine.” 

“Save it, Merlin. I already know what you're going to say.” 

“Really? Cause I don't.” 

Gwaine sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. “Let's not get into it now. We'll talk about it tonight.” With that Gwaine turned around and walked out of the armoury. 

Merlin felt horrible. He knew he was treating Gwaine poorly and he deserved what he did to him just now. He was so confused. Maybe he did have some sort of feelings for Gwaine? Why else wasn't able to completely pull away from him? 

He sighed, muttered a quick spell to clean himself up, and just started to tidy up Arthur's armour when the man himself walked in, looking concerned. “Is everything okay?” He asked Merlin.

“Yeah... fine.” He said sadly.

“That wasn't very convincing...” Arthur said, moving towards Merlin. His eyes dropped to Merlin's mouth and he noticed his lips were a bit swollen and then he saw the bite mark in his neck as well and he froze.

“Arthur...I...” Merlin said, realising what Arthur was looking at. 

“Did you two fuck in here?” Arthur asked bitterly. 

“Please don't be mad at me... Gwaine is pissed at me as well and I can't deal with you being mad too. Please, Arthur...” He pleaded.

Arthur melted at that. How could he be mad when Merlin was looking absolutely adorable right now? He placed his finger under his chin to get Merlin to look at him. “I'm not mad, Merlin.” He said and he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Merlin's lips. “I don't really have a right to be. Although, I must admit. I do get a bit jealous...” He said, feeling a bit embarrassed to admit that.

Merlin smiled, “I have noticed...” Arthur blushed and looked down at his feet. 

“I like it...” Merlin said, which made Arthur look up again. Arthur looked at Merlin's lips again and leaned forward to capture them with his own. Merlin immediately wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck. Arthur pushed his tongue inside Merlin's mouth, deepening the kiss and pressed his hips up against Merlin's, they were against the same wall now. Arthur's hands were on Merlin's back and he moved them downwards, found the hem of Merlin's tunic and slipped his hands underneath to finally feel the softness of Merlin's bare skin. Merlin inhaled sharply at the contact, his own hands moving across Arthur's chest. One of his thumbs found Arthur's nipple and lightly brushed it through the thin fabric of Arthur's tunic. Arthur gasped and pulled back for a moment. He didn't know his nipples were that sensitive but then again-- no one had ever touched them liked that. Merlin was looking at him with very dark eyes, licking his lips, before he pressed their lips together yet again. Arthur pulled Merlin even closer to him, his fingers dipping slightly underneath the waistband of Merlin's trousers. Merlin moved his lips along the side of Arthur's jaw and then along his neck, kissing and licking softly. One of his hands were sliding down Arthur's chest towards his stomach, slowly going lower and lower, until finally he cupped Arthur's groin, making Arthur gasp again. He was pleased to note that Arthur was already hard as a rock. He squeezed gently and Arthur moaned softly into his neck. He moved to undo Arthur's trousers and slipped his hand inside and wrapped his fingers around his cock and started stroking slowly.

“Fuck...” Arthur moaned in his ear. Arthur loved the feel of Merlin's fingers on his cock. It felt like they belonged there. In the back of his mind though-- he was a bit worried about how far this would go. He didn't have much time to think about it though as Merlin pulled his hand out of his trousers and guided him to stand with his back against the wall. Arthur looked at Merlin questioningly for a moment but then, Merlin dropped to his knees in front of him and started to pull down his trousers.

“Merlin, you don't have to--” 

“I want to...” Merlin said. “God, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do this so please let me...” 

Arthur wasn't about to say no to putting that gorgeous mouth to other use so he nodded. Merlin smiled and continued pulling his trousers down, licking his lips in anticipation. He ran his hands up and down Arthur's muscular legs before he grabbed the base of his cock. He licked from the base all the way up to the head before circling it with his tongue. He then licked across the slit to taste the pre-cum already leaking from it, before taking it down his throat until his nose touched Arthur's belly. 

“Oh god!” Arthur exclaimed loudly, pushing his hips forward. 

Merlin pulled back and then swallowed it down again, humming in his throat. Arthur was going mad with pleasure. He couldn't believe how good Merlin was at this. He was trying so hard to keep control and fighting the urge to just fuck Merlin's mouth relentlessly. He was already getting really close, kind of embarrassing actually, he usually lasts much longer but, god that mouth... Arthur put his hand on Merlin's head, urging him forward and Merlin picked up the pace and not a moment later Arthur cried out, spilling his seed down Merlin's throat. 

Merlin greedily swallowed it all down, licking Arthur clean. He got to his feet, leaned in and whispered in Arthur's ear, “You taste even better than I imagined.” 

“Oh yeah?” Arthur said while pulling Merlin in for a kiss. He could clearly taste himself in Merlin's mouth and he was quite surprised that it didn't taste half bad. 

When he pulled back, Merlin was smiling at him. _Such a beautiful smile..._ Arthur thought. Arthur then realised he was still half naked, so he pulled up his trousers to cover himself and he suddenly felt a little uncomfortable. Did Merlin want him to reciprocate? Or was he expecting to fuck him now? He didn't know what to do next and he wasn't entirely sure he was ready for anything more yet. It was all so new to him.

Merlin clearly saw the awkwardness in his eyes as he said, “You okay?”

“Uhm... yeah... I'm fine.” He said while putting some distance between them.

“Then why are you pulling away now?” Merlin said. 

Arthur took a deep breath. “Look. There is something I have to tell you.” 

“Okay. Is it that thing you wanted to talk to me about earlier?” 

Arthur was confused for a moment and then he remembered wanting to tell him what happened with his father. “No, it's something else.” 

Merlin waited for him to continue. “I uhm... I have never been with another guy before.” He said, blushing furiously. He was feeling so embarrassed. He was sure Merlin would laugh at him, but Merlin just nodded and said, “Yeah, I figured.”

Arthur stared at him. “How did you know? Oh god, I hope it's not because I suck at it all.” He said feeling mortified. 

“No! Don't worry, Arthur. You're amazing.” Merlin said reassuringly. “You seemed very shy when it came to guy on guy sex is all.”

Arthur smiled. “You know, you're really good at _that_.”

Merlin smirked. “Yes, I know.” He said, surprising Arthur with his cockiness. “I've had a lot of practice.” 

Arthur cocked an eyebrow. “Do you now?”

Merlin blushed, realising what he said. “I don't mean... I mean that in my relationships I did it a lot because I really like doing it.”

“Why? I mean, I'm not sure that I see the appeal.” 

“I like the control it gives me. When I was sucking you off, you were completely in my hands, so to speak. Like I had some sort of power over you for once. I like that.” Merlin explained.

“Oh you like to be in control then?” Arthur asked, worrying slightly about what that would mean for him in regards to anal sex. He wasn't sure if he was ready to take it up the arse yet.

“No, no... not at all. Except for this area.” Merlin said, while moving closer to Arthur again. “I get the sense that you're scared of something?” He asked. 

Arthur looked down at his feet so Merlin raised his chin so he could look at him. “Listen to me, Arthur. I would never make you do anything you don't want to do, okay? You don't need to worry.” 

Arthur smiled. “Thanks for saying that, Merlin. I know you wouldn't. I'm just a bit scared of the prospect, that's all. Not sure what to expect and I'm scared it's going to hurt.”

“We will cross that bridge if we come to it, okay? Let's not worry about that now.” Merlin said, stroking Arthur's cheek softly. “I have to go now though... I have got loads of work waiting for me.” He pressed his lips on Arthur's for a quick kiss and turned around towards the door.

“I don't want you to be with anyone else anymore.” Arthur said and Merlin stopped and turned around. “I want you to be mine and mine alone.”

Merlin looked at him for a moment and said, “Okay, then. I will talk to Gwaine tonight.” And with that he walked out of the armoury.

***

Later that night, after he finished all of his chores and helped Arthur get to bed, Merlin was heading towards Gwaine's chambers. He was feeling weirdly nervous about it. He had very suddenly decided that he was going to go with Arthur but he hadn't really had a chance to think about what that meant for his relationship with Gwaine. He's sure Gwaine would be hurt by this decision. He hoped that they would still be able to remain friends though... Gwaine had always been a good friend and it would kill him to lose that. He hoped Gwaine wasn't still angry with him.

He arrived at Gwaine's chambers, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Gwaine opened the door almost instantly, like he was waiting on the other side. 

“You came.” Gwaine said.

“Yeah... that's what we had agreed on wasn't it?” Merlin said, walking into his chambers.

“I know, but with what happened earlier, I wasn't sure if you still wanted to talk. I was pretty hard on you.” Gwaine said, closing the door behind Merlin.

“You were mad at me...” Merlin said, looking at his feet.

“I had no right to be... I realised that after I had cooled down a little. I got jealous and it surprised me more than anyone.” Gwaine said. He walked up to Merlin and placed a hand on his cheek to get him to look at him. “I want to be with you, Merlin.”

“Gwaine...” Merlin started.

“No, listen to me please.” Gwaine said almost desperately. “I know I'm not usually the type to commit to one person but I...” He sighed deeply. “I love you, Merlin.”

Merlin eyes widened. “Gwaine... I...” He started again.

“Wait... let me get this out first.” Gwaine said interrupting him again. “I know that you said that you didn't want a relationship with me but I think we work good together. I can't stop thinking about you and it's like I'm addicted to you or something... I don't know... but all I know is that I want you and we should give it a try and....”

“I'm with Arthur now...” Merlin blurted out. 

Gwaine looked at him stunned. “What?”

“It's true... what you saw between us earlier was real... and a few hours ago he told me he wanted to be together and I said yes.” Merlin said, suddenly very nervous because when he was saying this, Gwaine's expression turned from surprise to downright rage. 

Merlin could tell that Gwaine was trying to calm himself down. “You're joking right?” He said.

Merlin shook his head and he must have shaken it too roughly or something because he suddenly found himself on the ground. Then a sharp pain in his right cheek brought him to realisation. Gwaine had hit him, and hard too. Merlin looked up at Gwaine and saw the same realisation on Gwaine's face. “O my god! Merlin, I'm so sorry!” He said approaching Merlin but Merlin flinched backwards, crawling back against the wall. 

He got to his feet, clutching his cheek, tears running down them. “You're sorry? I guess I chose the right person after all then.” He said venomously. He turned towards the door threw it open and ran from the room. He could hear Gwaine calling after him but he ignored him. He needed to get away from that room, as far away as possible. He ran through the seemingly endless corridors, across the courtyard and out of Camelot. Outside of the gate he stopped running and leaned on his knees to catch his breath. He walked a bit further out and slumped to ground in one of the fields close to Camelot. 

He couldn't believe Gwaine had actually hit him. He thought he was his friend. He never should have slept with him. It has ruined everything between them. He doubted he could forgive him for this anytime soon. He felt his cheek again and hissed. _Damn it... this will definitely bruise. How will I keep this from Arthur?_ He couldn't let Arthur know what happened. Not with him acting so jealous and protective of him. He would not react well and he didn't want Gwaine to be send out of Camelot because of him. He sighed. Everything was such a mess. _I have to fix this..._ he thought and he started sobbing, pain and hurt catching up with him. Luckily it was dark, so no one could see how pathetic he was being. 

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there but he hoped it was long enough so that everyone would be asleep in Camelot and he could sneak into his chambers undetected. He got up and slowly started walking back towards Camelot. The guards at the gate didn't even look up when he passed, so used to him coming and going by now. He quickly made his way across the courtyard and through the corridors towards his chambers. He opened the door to his chambers quietly and found Gaius already asleep. He gently made his way across the room to his own and closed the door behind him. He sighed in relief that he didn't come across anyone. He stripped down and changed into his nightclothes, got into bed and tried to get some sleep. _What a mess..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys! I've started a new course and it's taking up a lot of my time. I promise that I will finish this story, okay? Please bear with me :)
> 
> There is a lot of sex in this chapter so sorry if you don't like that, but let's be real. Why else would you read an E-rated fic right? ;) 
> 
> Also, a lot of drama which is fun to write. A bit depressing at times but hey :)
> 
> Enjoy!

The next morning, Arthur woke up with a start, covered in sweat. He had been dreaming that Merlin was very forceful with him and wouldn't listen when Arthur had asked to slow down. It was a slightly terrifying dream but also very hot... which explained why he was hard as a rock right now. Arthur rolled over onto his back and pushed the blanket down to right under his bellybutton. He sighed and rubbed his face before letting his hand slide down his belly, under his blanket and into his trousers. His hand found his cock and wrapped his fingers around it and started stroking lazily. He was getting into a good pace when suddenly Merlin burst into the room with his breakfast tray, making him yank his hand out of his trousers so forcefully he almost rolled of the bed.

“Rise and...” He started. “Oh, you're up.” Merlin said, looking him up and down. “Were you...?” He said smirking at Arthur, who was now sitting very awkwardly with a pillow over his crotch.

“What?” Arthur said, pretending he had no idea what Merlin was talking about.

“You were touching yourself.” He stated. 

Arthur flushed red. “What? Of course I wasn't.” 

Merlin walked over to where Arthur was awkwardly sitting and grabbed the pillow Arthur was desperately holding on to and pulled it from his lap, revealing Arthur's very hard cock. Arthur stupidly tried to cover it up with his hands. 

Merlin snorted. “I have seen it before, you know.” 

“I know, it's just weird. I'm not sure how to act around you. Especially in this state.” Arthur said.

“I'm your boyfriend now. You shouldn't hide the fact that you're touching yourself from me anymore. In fact... I think it's very hot...” Merlin said, licking his lips. 

Arthur felt his cock twitch at the look Merlin was giving him and couldn't help himself from staring at his beautiful mouth. He wouldn't mind feeling those lips wrapped around his cock again. 

Then his eyes flicked upwards to Merlin's eyes and that's when he realised that he had a nasty looking bruise under his right eye and he frowned. “What happened to your face?” He got to his feet quickly, suddenly feeling very protective. “Who hurt you?” He demanded.

Merlin was surprised at Arthur's reaction although he shouldn't be. He sighed. “No one, okay?” He said, turning away from Arthur.

“Don't lie to me.” Arthur said.

“I'm not!” Merlin said, turning back to face Arthur again. He looked at his feet. “Alright, if I tell you, do you promise not to laugh?” 

Arthur raised his eyebrows. “Uhm... okay...” He didn't really think that Merlin being hurt in any way would be funny.  
“I wasn't paying attention to where I was going last night because I couldn't stop thinking about you and I ran straight into a door.” Merlin said, feeling guilty for lying. He was worried at how easily he lied to Arthur. He did it on a daily basis in regards to his magic but this was so much different. He owed Arthur the truth but he couldn't. He was too afraid of what Arthur might do to Gwaine if he knew what happened. Especially seeing how protective Arthur was of him now. 

Arthur smiled sweetly and he moved closer to Merlin, sliding his hands up Merlin's sides. “Sorry for being so distracting.” He said nuzzling Merlin's neck and moving his hands up Merlin's back.

Merlin sighed at the feeling of Arthur's hands on him and his breath on his neck. He placed his hands on Arthur's hips and pulled him closer, feeling Arthur's still present hardness, his own growing rapidly. Arthur pushed his hips up to meet Merlin's and Merlin gasped. “Fuck...” He muttered against Arthur's shoulder. Arthur started kissing his neck, using his tongue ever so slightly, driving Merlin crazy. Merlin was thankful he wasn't wearing a neckerchief today. Arthur slowly moved upwards towards his jaw and then finally captured Merlin's lips and Merlin moaned into his mouth. Arthur took the opportunity to quickly slip his tongue inside Merlin's mouth and deepened the kiss. 

Arthur turned Merlin so that he was with his back towards the bed and pushed him down on it. He straddled Merlin quickly and pressed his lips against Merlin's again. Arthur felt Merlin's hands grab his ass and he pressed his hips against Merlin's. They were kissing each other almost desperately now, hands touching everywhere they could reach. 

“Arthur!” Uther screamed from outside Arthur's chamber and they jumped off the bed so fast they nearly fell to the floor. Merlin was desperately trying to straighten the sheets on Arthur's bed, while Arthur was fixing his clothes, when Uther barged into his chambers looking enraged. His eyes fell on Arthur.

“Arthur!” He yelled again while stalking up to Arthur. 

Arthur instinctively backed away, getting very nervous. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Uther asked him.

Arthur looked confused. “Uhh...W-what do you mean?”

Uther raised his hand as if to slap Arthur and Arthur flinched back so hard he almost fell over. But Uther froze with his hand in the air. “Sorry... I...I promised not to do that anymore. I lost my temper.” 

Merlin raised his eyebrows in confusion.

Uther took a deep breath. “It's Wednesday morning....” he said in a way that should mean something to Arthur.

Arthur blinked, not quite sure what just happened here. Did his father really stop himself from hurting him? It almost feels to good to be true. Then again, he did almost actually hit him again. But he didn't though... Then Arthur remembered. “Oh my god! I forgot about the Wednesday morning meeting!” Every Wednesday, Arthur had a meeting with his father and the rest of the council to discuss the going's on in Camelot and the surrounding villages. They also went through all the tasks that needed to be completed this week, Arthur's tasks. Arthur had been so wrapped up in Merlin this morning, the whole week actually that he completely forgot about it.

“I'm so sorry father. I don't know how I could have forgotten it. Must have a lot on my mind I guess.” He said.

“A lot on your mind? This is your duty, Arthur! There is nothing more important than that! Or have you forgotten that as well?” Uther yelled. 

Arthur wanted to say that there were so many things more important than his duty. Like Merlin and his happiness for instance but he held his tongue. He did not want to push his father over the edge as he still looked like he could explode at any second. So instead he said, “I know, father. I'm sorry. I can assure you that it won't happen again.”

“It better not.” Uther said, his threat hanging thick in the air. “Come to my office when I summon you so I can bring you up to speed on the meeting and the tasks that I need you to perform this week.”

“Yes father.” Arthur said, bowing his head and Uther stormed out of his chambers.

Arthur let out a long breath and so did Merlin. “I'm confused.” Merlin said. “What did he mean when he said he promised not to do that anymore?” 

Arthur looked at Merlin. “Yeah, that was something I have been meaning to tell you but I haven't got around to it yet.” 

“Well, no better time like the present.” Merlin said.

“Okay, well the other day I had a talk with him. I asked him why he hurt me and why he blamed me for Morgana's disappearance. He told me he didn't blame me but that he was just so angry and had trouble controlling his temper and because I challenge him, I receive the blunt of his anger. He doesn't want to hurt me and he hates himself for it but he can't stop himself. So now he trying to work on it and control his anger better.” 

Merlin didn't say anything for a while and seemed to think it over.

“I think that's bullshit.” He finally said, surprising Arthur with the fierceness in his voice.

“What? You don't believe him?” Arthur asked.

“No. And neither should you. It's just an excuse that he can't control his anger. Come on! If you love someone you couldn't possibly hurt them like that.” Merlin said.

“So you're saying he doesn't love me?” Arthur asked, getting angry. “You know nothing about my father's feelings for me! How dare you insinuate that he doesn't!” 

“That's not what I meant.” Merlin said. 

“I think that's exactly what you meant.” 

“No! Arthur, I just meant...” 

“Save it. I don't want to hear it.” Arthur said. “Your opinion doesn't matter anyway. You're nothing but a servant.” 

Merlin felt a pang of pain in his chest at Arthur's words. Was that really all he was to him? He thought they were way past that by now. 

Arthur realised what he had said. “Oh my god, Merlin... I'm sorry... I didn't mean that.” He said while moving closer to Merlin but Merlin backed away from him.

Merlin looked up at Arthur, tears glistening in his eyes. “No Arthur. That was exactly what you meant.” 

Arthur flinched when he heard his own words being thrown back at him. 

“Nice to know where I stand with you then...” Merlin said and turned around to walk out of Arthur's chambers. 

“Merlin, wait! Please, I'm so sorry...” Arthur pleaded, but Merlin was already gone. 

***

Merlin was walking through the castle without really knowing where he was going. He just needed to get away and clear his head. Everything was even more messed up now. Now he lost both Gwaine and Arthur. He couldn't believe this was happening. Maybe sleeping with friends was a bad idea after all. It had ruined everything. 

He couldn't believe what Arthur had said to him. Just a servant... is that really what Arthur thought of him? He said he didn't mean it but why did he say it then? Was it just to hurt his feelings? He must have known how much a comment like that would hurt him. Right? 

Merlin was so lost in thought that he didn't pay attention to where he was going and when he turned a corner he bumped straight into Gwaine. “Sorry...” He mumbled before looking up who it was he had bumped into and he froze. 

“Merlin...” Gwaine said. “No please wait...” he said after Merlin tried to walk past him.

Merlin paused and turned back. “What do you want?” 

“Please listen to me. I want to explain.” Gwaine said. 

“I'm not interested in hearing your explanation.” Merlin said, staring hard at Gwaine.

“Please...” Gwaine said and Merlin was shocked to see tears in his eyes. 

“Fine. I'm listening.” Merlin said. 

“Thank you.” Gwaine whispered so softly Merlin almost couldn't hear it. It was very rare to see Gwaine so quiet and it made him realise that maybe he was heartbroken over what happened. 

“I'm really sorry that I hit you. I can't believe that it happened. I didn't think that I was a violent guy and especially not towards people I care about. I saw red when you told me you're with Arthur and something snapped inside of me. I couldn't control it. I know that's not an excuse but that's what happened and there is nothing I regret more in my life. I hope you can forgive me and that we can at least be friends again.” 

Merlin saw a tear rolling down his cheek and he brought his hand up to Gwaine's face to wipe it off with his thumb. Gwaine instantly leaned into his hand, grateful for the contact. Merlin felt tears well up in his own eyes because of all the emotions of the past few days. It was all too much to handle. He stepped closer to Gwaine and allowed him to embrace him and he buried his face in Gwaine's neck. He breathed in his scent and that's when he realised how much he had missed him.

“I forgive you...” He whispered and he could feel Gwaine pressing him closer in relief before pulling back and looking into his eyes. He saw Gwaine's gaze dropping to his mouth and he licked his lips in response. 

The next thing he knew was Gwaine's mouth on his in a desperate kiss. Merlin moaned into his mouth and gripped Gwaine's hips to pull him closer. 

Gwaine pulled back, panting. “Come with me...” and Merlin let himself be dragged to Gwaine's chambers that were conveniently just around the corner. 

Gwaine pushed Merlin inside and towards the bed, taking off Merlin's clothes on the way there. When they reached the bed, Gwaine pushed Merlin on it so that he landed on his back. Merlin was just wearing his trousers and Gwaine undid them and pulled them off as soon as Merlin was on the bed. Merlin was now completely naked and very hard. He was panting and staring at Gwaine hungrily. 

Gwaine grabbed the back of Merlin's knees and pushed them up to Merlin's chest and spread them wide. Merlin took hold of his legs to keep them open for Gwaine and Gwaine almost came at the sight in front of him. “Damn...” It was the hottest thing he had ever seen. Merlin hard and spread open, ready to be pounded by him. 

Gwaine squeezed his own cock through his trousers to relieve some of the pressure and then climbed onto the bed. He pushed on the back of Merlin's thighs to lift him up further and shove a pillow under his hips. Then he leaned down and licked the beautiful hole in front of him. Merlin moaned softly which urged Gwaine on and he pushed his tongue inside. Merlin arched his back in pleasure, grasping the sheets. “Fuck, Gwaine...” Merlin moaned.

Gwaine pulled his tongue out of his ass and replaced it with a wet finger, pushing it in all the way. He soon added another finger and Merlin tried to push himself down on them. Gwaine reached up with his other hand and wrapped it around Merlin's cock and began pumping it in time with his fingers. He pulled his fingers out and grabbed the lube from his nightstand. He coated his hand with the lube and pushed the two fingers back in. He moved them a couple of times before adding a third finger and then soon after a fourth, leaving only his thumb out. Merlin was writhing underneath him, enjoying the sensation of being more and more filled. Gwaine pulled the fingers back out a little, tucked his thumb inside and slowly started pushing them back in. Inch by inch until his whole hand was inside of Merlin up to his wrist. Merlin was panting like crazy at this point. “Oh fuck fuck fuck! Gwaine!” Gwaine pulled out a little and pushed his hand back in, increasing the pace with each thrust until he was furiously pumping his hand in and out of Merlin's tight hole. Merlin screamed, arched his back and came all over his stomach. 

Gwaine pulled his hand out slowly and Merlin whimpered. He leaned down and licked Merlin's cum from his stomach, savoring the taste. He then undid his own trousers and pushed them down, grabbed his very hard cock and lined it up with Merlin's hole. He pushed in all the way in one thrust, loving the feeling of Merlin's now stretched hole. Merlin moaned a little bit but he was very drowsy because of his massive orgasm. Gwaine started thrusting at a fast pace and came hard after only a few thrusts as he was so turned on he didn't need much, and then slumped over Merlin, panting hard.

“Fuck, Merlin... That was absolutely amazing.” He said after he had recovered his breath, rolling off of Merlin. He looked at Merlin and his smile dropped at the look on Merlin's face.

“What's wrong? Did I hurt you?” He asked worried.

“No... that's not it.” Merlin started. “It's just... I'm with Arthur... and I promised him I was his and his alone. And now I've cheated on him... just because we fought and I was angry with him.” 

“That's the only reason you slept with me?” Gwaine asked sadly. 

Merlin looked sideways at Gwaine. “No, of course not. We had sex because I wanted to but now I regret it, amazing as it was. I'm going to have to tell Arthur about this and I'm scared I'm going to lose him. He's quite possessive of me and I think he might actually walk away.”

“Maybe it just wasn't meant to be between you two. You said you were angry with him so maybe breaking up wouldn't be so bad.” Gwaine said. 

“I don't want to break up with him! Before this happened I thought that it was over but this made me realise I don't want it to be over. And I'm not going to lie to him either. I will tell him the truth.” Merlin said as he was getting out of bed. He started to look for his clothes around the room and started dressing himself.

“You're never going to pick me, are you?” Gwaine asked.

Merlin stopped to look at Gwaine and shook his head. “I'm sorry... I don't think I will.” He went to sit down on the bed next to Gwaine. “It's not that I don't have feelings for you because I do... but my feelings for Arthur are stronger.”

Gwaine smiled sadly but nodded. “I understand. Thanks for being honest with me.” 

“Sorry, Gwaine...” 

“One last kiss?” Gwaine asked grinning again. 

Merlin chuckled, leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Gwaine's lips. Then he got up and made his way out of Gwaine's chambers.

***

Arthur was pacing in his chambers. Why did he had to open his big mouth? He could see the look of hurt on Merlin's face and the guilt he immediately felt. He didn't mean to hurt him like that, he just couldn't control his mouth sometimes. Maybe he was more like his father then he thought except he didn't use his fists. 

He sat down at his desk, resting his face in his hands. He was really worried he fucked everything up already. He didn't want to lose Merlin. The time they had spend together has been amazing. He couldn't stop thinking about him and that kiss that they had earlier. There were still so many things that he wanted to do with him... It couldn't be over already right? 

He sighed and stared at the door. He kept seeing him leave over and over again and it was eating him up inside. He had to fix this. He was going to go find him and apologize, begging him to forgive him if needed. He stood up determined and walked to the door. He opened the door and almost ran into a servant who was just about to knock on his door. 

“What?” He said a little more rude than he meant to. What was it with him and his mouth?

“Erm.. sorry to disturb you Sire but the King has requested your presence in his chambers.” The servant said. 

“Thank you.” He said to make up for his rudeness and walked out towards his fathers chambers.

Although his father promised him he would try to keep his temper at bay, Arthur was still very nervous going to his chambers again. His father was struggling so much to keep it at bay and Arthur was struggling to keep his mouth in check, so this had every possibility for going horribly wrong again. He suddenly wondered what his father would say about him and Merlin. Probably nothing good if he was honest with himself. His father wanted him to marry in benefit of Camelot and marrying another man probably wasn't in Camelot's best interest. He had to produce an heir so marrying Merlin was definitely out of the question in his father's eyes. But that didn't mean that the thought of marrying Merlin wasn't giving him so many good feelings. He felt like Merlin was the one. 

Arthur stopped in his tracks. “Oh my god... Do I love him?” He said out loud, getting a confused look from a servant who just walked by. Arthur cleared his throat and went on his way again. 

A moment later he was stood outside his fathers chambers, trying to contain his fear. Was he ever going to stop feeling this way being here? It definitely hadn't changed yet though. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. 

“Enter.” He heard from inside. 

“Okay... calm down. Just don't do anything stupid and you'll be fine.” He muttered to himself before opening the door and stepping inside. 

His father was sitting at his desk as usual and Arthur went to stand in front of it again. These actions brought out so much fear and panic for him. It always went the same way, almost always here. 

Arthur tried really hard to control his breathing. Slowly breathing in and out. “Erm... you wanted to see me father?” He asked tentatively. 

Uther looked up sharply. “How many times have I told you to not interrupt my work? I'll get to you when I'm ready.” He said and went back to what he was doing.

_Shit, how did I forget that? Great start...”_ Arthur thought to himself, fear increasing even further. _I feel like he is doing this on purpose. He must know that this is torture right?”_

A good few minutes past before Uther looked up at Arthur again. He leaned back in his chair and intertwined his fingers together. Arthur saw the angry look in his eyes but with a calm disposition. That was a bad sign... a very bad sign. 

“So!” Uther said suddenly, making Arthur jump. “It's about time we go through the list then shall we? As you had forgotten your duties earlier...” 

The way Uther said that, told Arthur that he had to be very careful what he said next. Anything could set him off at this point. To be fair, normally his father would have already beat the shit out of him after pulling what he did, so he was trying it seemed. 

“Yes, sorry about that...” He tried.

He jumped so furiously when Uther slammed his hands on his desk and got up from his seat. “Apologizing is not going to cut it!” He yelled. He stalked on towards the other side of his desk so he could face Arthur. 

It took everything Arthur had not to step back. He knew that showing weakness would anger Uther even further. 

“You are going to be King of Camelot one day, Arthur! You need to take responsibility for your actions. That stunt you pulled today was unacceptable! You're going to be a lousy King!”

“That's not fair! You can't say that just because I missed one stupid meeting! I'm going to be a better King then you will ever be!” Arthur shouted back. His father's comment hurt him so much that he momentarily forgot about his fear.

The next moment Arthur found himself on the floor because his father had backhanded him so hard he lost his footing. He could taste blood as the blow split his lip. Fear rushing back so furiously he almost cried out. “I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please father!” He pleaded in a raw panic but Uther wasn't listening. Arthur could see the pure rage coming of his father, he had lost the battle... 

Then Uther was upon him, landing blow after blow and he tried desperately to shield his head from the hits. His father kept hitting and then he kicked Arthur in the ribs. Twice. Hard. Arthur could feel them break under the impact. The pain was unbearable. He didn't know how much longer he could hold on. Then Uther landed a particularly hard kick to his head and everything went black...

***

Arthur slowly opened his eyes but everything was still dark. Has he gone blind?! No, wait... he could see a few light bits here and there. It was nighttime, that's why he couldn't see anything properly. He tried to sit up but groaned in pain. “Ow...” he said while clutching his ribs. There was a bandage around them. Where was he? He seemed to be in a bed but it wasn't his own. His vision had adjusted to the darkness around him and he could see that he wasn't in his room either. He slowly raised himself into a sitting position, pulling himself up on the side of his bed. He moved his legs on the side of the bed to try and stand up but his feet found something soft and warm. Merlin! He was in Merlin's room, in Merlin's bed while he slept on the floor beside him. 

Merlin stirred and rolled over. “Arthur?” He said before realising Arthur was awake and sat up quickly. “Arthur! You're awake!” 

“Yes, you can stop shouting now. My head is throbbing.” 

“Sorry. I was just so worried about you. How are you feeling?” Merlin asked, concern written all over his face.

“What happened?” He asked Merlin.

“You don't remember?”

“Erm... the last thing I remember was going to my father's chambers to go over the list because I missed the meeting and.... oh...” Arthur's face fell as he remembered what happened. “How long was I out?”

“Three days...” Merlin sad sadly. 

“What? That long?” Arthur asked.

“Yeah... you were in pretty bad shape.” 

“How did I get here?” Arthur asked.

“The King called the guards after he finished beating the crap out of you and realised you were unconscious and they brought you up here. Uther wanted you to be moved to your own room but I wasn't having it so I asked Gaius to convince the King to let you stay here. I wasn't letting you out of my sight again.” Merlin explained. 

Arthur suddenly remembered their fight right before. He looked down at his hands, “Merlin...I...I'm sorry...” He started.

“Shh...It's okay. We don't need to talk about that now.” Merlin said and cupped Arthur's cheek. “Let's get you well first. I'll let Gaius know that you're awake.” Merlin said and he got up and left the room. 

_God, I love him..._ Arthur thought while watching him walk out the room. He slowly got to his feet and walked to the window in Merlin's room. It was getting light so it must be around 6 am. He then went to the little mirror and had a look at himself. He gasped when he saw the damage on his face. His right eye had a massive bruise under it and his lip was split on that side as well. He also had a bruise alongside his left jaw. He felt tears well up in his eyes. He couldn't believe that his father had done this. He started to shake.

The door opened again and Merlin came back in with Gaius right behind him. Merlin saw Arthur shaking and rushed to his side. “Hey...” He turned Arthur towards him and his heart broke with what he saw in Arthur's eyes. He reached up to brush away a tear and pulled Arthur close to him. Arthur immediately buried his face in Merlin's neck and grasped the front of Merlin's sleep shirt. He started sobbing uncontrollably and Merlin just held him. Rubbing soft circles on his back. “Shh... it's going to be okay.” He whispered and placed a kiss on Arthur's hair.

After a few minutes Arthur pulled back, not daring to look Merlin in the eye. He was embarrassed for breaking down in front of him. He moved to sit back down on the bed and Gaius moved to sit next to him on the bed. 

“Arthur... I'm sorry this has happened to you. Uther feels terrible about it. He lost control and he couldn't stop himself.” Gaius explained and Merlin made a disapproving sound. Gaius gave him a stern look before continuing. “I need to assess your injuries again. Will you lie back down for me?” 

Arthur nodded so Gaius got up to give Arthur room and Arthur stretched back down on his back, winching slightly. Gaius moved to cut of the bandage covering Arthur's ribs. Then he gently probed his ribs to see how they are healing.

“Ow...” Arthur said.

“I know it hurts, Arthur. I'm sorry. Try to breath.” Gaius said. “You have three broken ribs on this side. They will take a while to heal but they will heal. _You_ will heal, Arthur.”

“I wonder what the next thing will be that he will do to me....” Arthur said.

“Don't talk like that. This won't happen again.” Gaius said.

Arthur snorted and instantly winced as the action hurt his ribs. 

“It won't.” Gaius said. “He assured me that it won't.” 

“Yeah, well he assured me that same thing only a few days ago and look what happened. So forgive me if I don't jump for joy just yet.” Arthur said.

Merlin moved closer to the bed and took Arthur's hand in his. Arthur turned to look at Merlin and smiled. “Thank you, Merlin.... Both of you. For taking care of me.” 

Merlin leaned closer and placed a soft kiss on Arthur's lips, making Arthur tear up again. He wasn't sure if he would ever experience a kiss from Merlin again. “Merlin, I'm so sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it.” He started again.

“I told you, it's okay. We don't have to do this now.”

“Yes, we do! I need to tell you how sorry I am. I couldn't bare it if I lost you.” 

“Arthur, it's okay. Really.” Merlin said.

“I love you, Merlin!” Arthur blurted out.

Merlin looked stunned and even Gaius froze. Their reactions made Arthur panic and he started blushing furiously. “I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that. Forget I said anything.” And he looked away embarrassed. 

“Look at me, Arthur.” Merlin said and Arthur did tentatively. “I love you too.” Merlin said and Arthur looked up surprised.

“You do?” 

“Yes. I have always loved you, Arthur.” 

“Even when I put you in jail or in the stocks?” Arthur asked.

Merlin laughed. “Well, maybe not then.” 

“Merlin, I need to talk to you.” Gaius said and Merlin frowned. 

“What's up?” 

“In private.” 

“Can't it wait? I really want to stay with Arthur.” 

“Now!” Gaius yelled, making both Merlin and Arthur jump. 

“Okay! Geez...” Merlin said while getting up quickly, a bit nervous about Gaius's sudden anger. “I'll be right back, okay?” He said to Arthur and walked out the room with Gaius.

“Out here.” Gaius said as he opened the door to the hallway. Merlin walked through the door and Gaius slammed the door shut. 

_Wow, he's really pissed. What did I do?_ Merlin thought getting a bit scared. He had never seen Gaius so angry and he had to admit that with Uther's anger towards him and even Gwaine hitting him, he started to get a bit scared when people were this angry. Even if it was Gaius. He never expected Gwaine to hit him either so he couldn't be too careful. It wasn't like Gaius had never hit him over the head. That told him everyone was capable of it.

“What did I do?” He asked carefully.

“What did you do?!” Gaius yelled, making Merlin flinch. “You really don't know?” 

“N...No...Whatever it is, I'm sorry...” 

“Why would you apologize if you don't even know what I'm talking about?” 

“You're just so mad. I thought apologizing was a good idea at this point.” 

Gaius sighed. “I'm talking about your relationship with Arthur. Have I not told you what a bad idea I thought it was?”

“Yes, you did and I told you that you had nothing to worry about.” 

“I think I have a lot to worry about now actually. Last time we talked about this you said that all that happened between you to was a kiss. And now you're confessing your love for one another. That doesn't sound like nothing to worry about.” Gaius said. 

“We're together...”

Gaius sighed. “Dammit, Merlin! I warned you! What if Uther finds out? What will you do then?” 

“He's not going to find out.” Merlin said. 

“Don't be so naive! At some point Uther will find Arthur a wife and what will happen then?” 

“I'm not naive! We'll cross that bridge when we come to it!” Merlin said angrily. “This is none of your business and I'm done with this conversation. I'm going back to Arthur.”

He stormed off, leaving Gaius alone in the hallway. 

“This is not going to end well...” Gaius muttered to himself before walking back into his chambers as well.

He walked into Merlin's room and saw them kissing very passionately. _I guess you can't help who you fall in love with.”_ Gaius thought to himself. He cleared his throat, announcing his presence and tried to stop a smile when they bounced away from each other like a bomb went off. 

“Sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to inform the King that Arthur is awake. Merlin, can you mix up a pain relief potion for him? The ingredients are all ready.” 

“Yes, of course. I'll do that right now.” Merlin said and rushed off. 

Arthur smiled at how eager Merlin was to help him. He wasn't looking forward to seeing his father again but now that things with Merlin were back to normal again, he could handle his father. 

He smiled, laid back and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and let me know your thoughts!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!   
I was feeling a little uninspired with this story so it took me a while to finish a chapter.   
I hope you'll enjoy it :)

Two weeks after his beating, Arthur was sitting at his desk working through some paperwork. His father didn't want him doing anything too physical for a while. Which was weird because he was the one who put him in this situation. He came to his bedside right after Gaius told him he was awake and he actually started crying. Arthur still couldn't believe it but after he had almost beaten him to death, he realized what he had done and he said he would do anything to prevent it from happening again. He didn't want to risk killing his only son. So far, everything had been fine. No incidents at all, not even angry remarks. This was very strange to Arthur because even before Morgana's disappearance, they would still argue every now and then, it just didn't usually get violent. 

Arthur was pulled from his thoughts when Merlin, who was tidying his room, dropped something very loudly.

“Sorry...” He mumbled. 

Merlin was acting very strange as well lately. Fidgety and awkward. Arthur didn't know what to make of it all. 

“Is everything alright?” Arthur asked him. 

“Yeah, yeah. Fine. Sorry, I'm just being clumsy.” He said, smiling awkwardly.

Nothing had happened between them since their love declaration, which was very strange. Not even a kiss shared between them. In fact, Merlin was very distant. It made Arthur wonder if he regretted saying it. It was very soon after all and it shocked him as well. Should he mention something?

“What's going on, Merlin?” He asked, more sharply then he had intended. 

“Erm...Nothing. What do you mean?” 

“Come on! I told you that I love you and you said it back and then you completely disappeared. You've been so distant and weird around me. Do you regret saying it? It's fine if you don't love me. I know it was soon. I just wanted to tell you how I felt.”

“No! I don't regret it and I do love you.... I think... I'm not sure.” Merlin said biting his lip. “I'm very confused. I've never actually loved anyone before so I'm not really sure how it feels to love. But I think I do...” 

“Okay... well that's fine. Why didn't you just say that? Is that why you have been avoiding me?” Arthur asked.

“No... that's not why...” Merlin took a deep breath. He had been dreading this moment for so long but he needed to do it. “There is something I have to tell you.”

“Sounds ominous...” 

Merlin was scared, terrified even. What he was about to say would destroy their relationship, he knew that much. Even though their relationship wasn't much now, it was still sort of there. He felt tears well up in his eyes at the thought of losing Arthur. He might not know for sure if he loved him but he was sure that he cared deeply for him.

Arthur immediately got to his feet. He put his hand on the side of Merlin's face. “Hey, you're starting to scare me. What's wrong?”

“Please don't be mad at me...” Merlin said, tears streaming down his face freely now.

“Why would I be mad I you? You have done nothing wrong.” 

“I done something wrong... and you're gonna hate me when I tell you.” 

“Let's sit down.” Arthur said and he guided Merlin to the sofa and the both of them sat down. “Tell me...” He said quietly.

“Promise you're not going to hate me...” Merlin pleaded and Arthur thought he couldn't possibly look more innocent then in this moment.

“I don't think there is anything you can do to make me hate you, Merlin.” 

Merlin looked down at his hands and fumbled with his fingers. He took a deep breath before he said, “I slept with Gwaine...”

“Yeah, I know remember. We had a very long conversation about that.” Arthur said smiling.

“No, I... I slept with Gwaine on the day you were hurt, after our fight.” Merlin said staring at his hands. He didn't dare to look Arthur in the eyes. 

Arthur froze, his blood turning cold. He turned away from Merlin and got up off the sofa.

Merlin got up as well. “I'm so sorry, Arthur. I was mad at you and Gwaine was there and I let myself go. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me...” He pleaded. 

Arthur turned around to look at him but didn't say anything. 

“Please say something...” Merlin whispered. 

“Get out.” 

Merlin's eyes widened but he didn't move. 

“Get out!” Arthur shouted.

“No, please we need to talk about this!” Merlin said desperately. 

“There is nothing to talk about. Get out!” 

“There is! I need to know what you think! I need to know what happens now! Please, Arthur!” 

“What happens now?” Arthur said calmly. “Now we're over. That's what happens now.”

“No...please...” Merlin said, sobbing now. “Please! I love you, Arthur!”

“You don't love me! You wouldn't have done this if you loved me! If you cared anything at all about me!” Arthur shouted, his voice breaking. “We're done. Now get out.” 

The way Arthur was looking at him broke his heart. He had never seen Arthur looking at him with so much contempt, so cold. He blew it. He finally had Arthur after pining over him for so long and now he had ruined it all, just for a quick fuck with Gwaine, which didn't even mean anything. He looked at Arthur once more and turned around and walked towards the door.

“And you're fired.” Arthur said. 

Merlin didn't look back but fresh tears streamed down his cheeks at hearing that. He grabbed the door handle and ran out. 

As soon as Merlin closed the door Arthur broke down as well. He screamed at the top of his lungs and threw a chair across the room. “Fuck!!” He shouted. He had never felt pain like this before. This was way worse then any physical pain he had experienced. It felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest, torn apart and stomped on. 

***

Merlin ran down the corridors, trying to get as much distance between him and Arthur's chambers as possible. He turned into a small corridor which at the end had a small broom cupboard and launched himself inside. He was feeling a panic attack coming on and he needed a place to calm himself down. He closed the door behind him and slid down the door onto the floor.

“Breathe... just breathe...” He said to himself. “Everything will be okay.” But he didn't really believe it. He had lost both Arthur and his job. He didn't even think about his job but he should have guessed it. Arthur obviously didn't want to be near him and he didn't blame him. What was he going to do now? He loved working for Arthur. He was going to have to talk to the Steward to see what he could do now. Working for Gaius wasn't enough. He needed something more, he needed to get paid more so that he could send more to his mum. 

Oh god, his mum... If she ever found out that he cheated on someone. She would be so disappointed. She believes loyalty and honesty are the best qualities in a man. Merlin could already imagine her face when she finds out. He never thought that he would ever cheat on someone but he had also never had two people interested in him at the same time but he thought he would have handled it better.

He sighed and got up. He really needed to talk to the Steward as soon as possible. He opened the door and walked down the hall towards his office. When he got there, he knocked on the door and walked inside. 

“Hello, Sir.” He said politely. “I got fired from the Prince's service and I was wondering if you have work for me.” 

The Steward looked up at Merlin, then back down to his paperwork. “Yes, the Prince informed me.” 

Merlin raised his eyebrows at that. _Already? That was fast. I guess he didn't waste any time._

“Luckily for you, there is always plenty of work around. It might actually be good for you to work hard for a change.” The Steward said smugly.

If looks could kill, Merlin's gaze would have destroyed Camelot but he said nothing. Now was not the time to get smart, he needed something from this man after all.

The Steward was not intimidated with Merlin's stare at all and looked back at Merlin. Then Merlin saw his eyes drop down and roam over his body in a way that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. It then got even more uncomfortable when the Steward licked his lips, before raising his eyes back up to his face. 

“You can start by polishing the knights armour. They are long overdue as we've had no one to do them.” He then said, and Merlin thanked the heavens that the Steward didn't make a lewd comment or something.

“Thanks, Sir. I'll go do that right now.” He said, before rushing out of the room.

He was still shivering in disgust when he reached the armoury. The way the old man was looking at him. Disgusting. He quickly pushed the thought from his mind and got to work on the armour. 

He was making pretty good headway when the door opened and the knights walked in. “Hey Merlin! Hard at work I see?” Leon asked cheerfully.

“Same as always.” He replied with a smile. “You guys have a training session?” 

“Yeah, Arthur wanted to do an extra one today. Said he needed to burn some excess energy.” 

Merlin felt a pang in his chest at hearing Arthur's name and quickly turned back to his polishing. But that didn't go unnoticed by Gwaine, who had been weirdly quiet the whole time. 

Gwaine walked up to where Merlin was sitting and sat down next to him. “You okay?” He asked.

“I'm fine.” Merlin said but it didn't come out very convincing and Gwaine noticed that too.

Gwaine looked at the other knights, who were all now distracted by getting their armour on. 

“Did something happen? You can tell me. We're still friends right?” He asked. 

Merlin sighed and dropped his hands in his lap. He looked up at Gwaine. “I told Arthur that I cheated on him with you and he ended it.” Merlin swallowed hard, trying to keep himself from crying. It was all too fresh to talk about.

“Oh...Merlin... I'm sorry...” Gwaine said and placed his hand on top of Merlin's. 

Of course at that exact moment, the door of the armoury opened again and Arthur walked in, his eyes immediately falling on Merlin and Gwaine and their hands. 

Gwaine quickly pulled his hand back but it was too late. Arthur had already seen it.

Arthur huffed and turned around to gather his armour. Merlin jumped to his feet towards Arthur. 

“That was not what you think. He was just trying to comfort me as he saw I was upset.” Merlin explained. 

“You're telling me this like I care.” Arthur said, giving Merlin a cold look. “I expected nothing less from a slut like you.” 

Merlin felt like he was slapped in the face. 

“What did you say to him?” Gwaine said furiously. 

Merlin turned around. “Gwaine, don't. Please.” 

Arthur walked right up into Gwaine's face. “I called him a slut. You and I both know that that's all he is.” 

Gwaine raised his fist and launched it at Arthur but Arthur ducked out of the way and punched Gwaine square in the jaw, causing Gwaine to fall backwards into the wall. This caused an immediate reaction from the rest of the knights as they all sprung forwards to hold Arthur back and to stop Gwaine from retaliating. 

“Don't you dare talk to him that way!” Gwaine shouted while trying to break free from the hold the knights had on him. 

“Go ahead, Gwaine. Hit me. I'll have you executed for it.” Arthur said with a smirk and Gwaine stopped struggling. The other knights released him and Arthur looked at him challengingly. Gwaine huffed, shook his head and stormed out of the armoury. 

“I can't believe you said that to him.” Merlin said angrily to Arthur. 

“Don't you want to run after your boyfriend?” Arthur asked. 

“He's not my boyfriend.” Merlin said but Arthur just looked at him indifferent so he stalked to the door and left as well.

“Would you mind telling us what the hell is going on here?” Leon said. Him and Arthur were the only ones in the armoury now.

Arthur looked at him. “Simple. Merlin and I were together but then Merlin cheated on me with Gwaine and he told me today. So I ended it and here we are.” 

“Well, that does explain certain things... Are you okay though?” Leon asked. 

Arthur's face fell and Leon could see the intense pain on his face now, instead of the blank expression he had been holding before.

“No... not really. But I will be... Now let's train.”

“Okay but take it easy. Your ribs haven't fully healed yet. I don't want you to push yourself too hard too soon.” Leon said.

Arthur nodded. “Leon?” He said and Leon looked at him expectantly. “Please don't say anything to my father about my relationship with Merlin. He doesn't know that I'm attracted to other guys and he will kill me if he finds out.” 

“Of course not, Arthur. I would never betray your trust like that, don't worry.” Leon said.

“Thanks. A lot of people _have_ actually betrayed my trust lately and I really couldn't handle another one.” Arthur said sadly.

Leon squeezed Arthur shoulder and smiled. Arthur looked at Leon, like really looked at him and realized that Leon was a very good looking man. How had he never seen that before? Leon held his gaze for a long time until Arthur finally looked away. “Erm... we should be starting our training.” Arthur said before turning around and walking out of the armoury and towards the training field. _What was that?_ Arthur thought.

***

Merlin burst through the door of his and Gaius's chambers and slammed the door shut. He was glad that Gaius wasn't there, he didn't think he could explain himself properly at this moment. He stormed up the stairs and into his bedroom and started pacing the room. Then he walked over to his bed and sank down on it with his head in his hands. He could feel the tears coming again and he brushed at his eyes furiously. He kept repeating Arthur and his last interaction over and over in his head and he still couldn't believe how cold Arthur was. He knew he hurt him badly but he looked at him like he wasn't worth the dirt he walked on. Arthur had said that nothing Merlin could do would make him hate him but Merlin doubted that was true. Clearly he hated him now and he didn't blame him.

The door to his bedroom opened quietly and Gwaine popped his head in. “Merlin?” He said. He walked into the room when he realized that Merlin was there and closed the door behind him. He walked to where Merlin was sitting and crouched down in front of him. He pulled Merlin's hands from his face.

“Hey... you okay?” 

Merlin snorted and looked away, not wanting to look Gwaine in the eyes.

“I mean... of course you're not okay.” Gwaine said apologetically. “But are you going to be okay?”

“I'm fine, Gwaine.” Merlin replied hoarsely. “I deserve everything he throws at me.” Merlin huffed. “He should have me flogged for treason.”

“Stop it, Merlin.” Gwaine said. “You don't deserve what he's doing. Yes, you made a mistake and you hurt him but that doesn't give him the right to treat you like shit. No matter how bad your mistake was, no one has the right to speak to you that way.” 

Gwaine had gotten up while saying that and he was running his hands through his hair. 

“He's an idiot for letting you go.” 

Merlin snorted again. “Oh yeah? Would you have forgiven me if I was with you and I had slept with Arthur?” 

Gwaine thought about that for a moment. “No, actually... I probably wouldn't have forgiven you that easily. Shit... that isn't helping is it?” 

“It's fine Gwaine. It's understandable the way he's reacting and it's exactly how I thought he would react. Which is why I was hesitant to tell him. But we couldn't start anything meaningful if it started with such a massive lie. So... I had to do it and now I'm dealing with the consequences.” Merlin said.

He looked up at Gwaine. “I'll be okay. I just need time to process it all. And maybe... if I'm lucky... Arthur will forgive me in time and take me back.”

Gwaine frowned at that. “You still want him? After everything he just said to you?” 

“He's hurt Gwaine. He's lashing out... that's his way of dealing with things.” Merlin said. He looked down at his hands again. “I've always wanted him. That's not going to change anytime soon.”

“Oh... okay then.” Gwain said.

Merlin could hear the disappointment in his voice and looked up at Gwaine.

“Is that why you're here? Hoping that now that it's over with Arthur I will be with you instead?” Merlin said. “You sure didn't waste any time.” 

Merlin got up from the bed annoyed and walked over to the window.

“No... Merlin that's not what I meant.” Gwaine sighed. 

Merlin turned around and glared at him.

“You know that I love you... Is it so bad for a man to hope?” Gwaine asked sadly.

Merlin deflated at that. “No of course not, Gwaine. I'm sorry.” He walked over to Gwaine. “But we can't be together. I now know that I want nothing more than to make things right with Arthur and I will not do anything else that might jeopardize that.”

Gwaine looked down and nodded. “I understand. Thank you for being honest with me.”

“It's the least I can do. I have to make some changes if I'm going to get Arthur to forgive me. I will not even look at another man...” Merlin said determined before feeling the sadness take over again. “I have no idea how to go about it though...” 

“He needs time. You said it yourself. Don't force yourself on him... give him space and let him come to you.” 

“What if he doesn't come to me? He hates me now...” Merlin said.

“He hates what you've done. He doesn't hate you.” Gwaine reached up and brushed Merlin cheek. “No one can hate you...” He said smiling.

Merlin smiled back. “Thanks Gwaine...”


End file.
